Luna Lovegood and the Trouser Snake - But Heres What Really Happened
by ironcheforegon
Summary: What happens when Luna Lovegood hears about a most unusual magical creature? Lunar Harmony story, H/Hr/L. NOTE: This is TRUE version of a story that I was never able to finish originally. Think of this like a movie with alternate endings. The old, "alternate" version was published previously. Rated M for Mature.
1. Imaginary Creatures

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Just playing in this sandbox._

_**Sorry if any of this is repetitive**, I write these notes assuming that anyone reading this is reading it for the first time. I can't assume people just came from the previous story._

_**A/N:** Wow, this story is over TWELVE years in the making. I originally came up with this story idea in January 2008. I started writing it back then but eventually ran into writer's block on how to properly bring Luna into the 3-way relationship with Harry and Hermione in the way that I knew I wanted. A__t the time, I was only publishing on Portkey anyway, so I realized it was probably better to set aside the Trio version and re-write it to make it Portkey compliant. In doing so I eliminated the trio elements and added a bunch of new content, greatly expanding into Ron/Luna and Neville/Ginny aspects, which are not present in this story. That version ended up getting posted on Portkey in May 2008._

_The irony is that when I returned to the writer's keyboard a few months ago, I THOUGHT I had completely lost the original Portkey files, and all I could find were the abandoned Trio files. So I started to work on finishing it... THIS story. But shockingly right as I was finishing the Trio story, I FOUND the files for old missing Portkey version. There was so much new, different stuff in the Portkey story that wasn't in the Trio story that I didn't want to leave it lost in digital oblivion. But it was all so focused primarily on Ron that there was no way to incorporate it into the trio story without it feeling like a completely optional side-quest to a casino planet to free space horses._

_So, what to do? After some discussion with my friend and beta, it hit me! Although the two versions started very similarly, they had very different endings. As a child of the '80s, it instantly reminded me of the 1985 movie "Clue." So as a result, I will be posting BOTH versions of this story: first, the old Portkey version, which I have subtitled **"That's How It Could Have Happened."** If you have not yet read that story, I strongly encourage you to stop and go read that first, since that was the only thing ever published back in 2008._

_Now that the old alternate version is now published, I can FINALLY post this "true" version, which is what I had originally intended twelve years ago but was unable to figure out how to make work. This version is subtitled, **"But Here's What Really Happened."** If you've seen "Clue" and its multiple endings, you'll understand the source of those two phrases._

_Because this is the true, intended version, it starts out very similar but changes drastically soon thereafter. Even if you just finished reading the old Portkey version, I encourage you to re-read these first chapters again. The first two chapters of __Portkey story were the old chapters from twelve years ago, with only a couple minor edits and grammar fixes, done over a few days. Since I came back into THIS story with new eyes, I allowed myself to drastically refresh the entire story from top to bottom and spent about six weeks working on this. So although much of the first two chapters is ALMOST the same as the old Portkey version, there are also are a lot of subtle changes too as the result of changes to my writing style and grammar over the past decade, as well as adding many new elements, big and small, to the beginning to help support the completely new content later in the story. So i__f you skip the beginning thinking you already read this a couple of days ago, you WILL miss new stuff. ;-)_

_Special thanks:_

_To __**HornDog Smith**__, for that first, initial email back in October that brought me back to "**Luna Lovegood and the Trouser Snake**," which in turn brought me back to writing PERIOD. This new story is dedicated to you!_

_To __**MapleMountain**__, my long-time friend and beta. Well, it took twelve years, but this is FINALLY done, and it's even better than I imagined it could have ever been all those years ago!_

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_**Summary: **__What happens when Luna Lovegood hears about a most unusual magical creature? **Lunar Harmony story, H/Hr/L**. Set in an alternate seventh year that is inspired heavily from the 7 books but without so much death and drama. And certainly no Griswold Camping Vacation From Hell!_

* * *

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**IMAGINARY CREATURES**

Luna Lovegood sat on a quiet shoreline on the edge of the lake near Hogwarts. She came out here sometimes when she wanted to escape all of the noise and activity of the castle… when she wanted to draw.

Recently, she'd discovered she had the ability to "See" things remotely. She wasn't sure exactly when this ability developed, but if she had asked Madame Pomfrey, the school nurse probably would have suggested it was triggered by the Sixth Year Ravenclaw having recently completed puberty: her body (and thus magic) was now sexually mature… and fully fertile.

But Luna hadn't asked, so all she did know was that it might have been related to the fact her maternal grandmother was a Seer. At first, that worried her because although her mother was not a Seer, she did on occasion have 'inspirations.' And it was one of those inspirations that gave her mother the idea for that last, most unfortunate experiment.

But Luna soon realized that it might not be such a bad thing because her interests lay in a different direction than her mother's. There were so many wonderful creatures that she knew existed—despite what books (and most everyone else) said—but she had never seen them. This might prove to be the answer to everything.

Luna didn't care what people thought or said about her, but she did want to prove that these animals were real. It wasn't about proving other people wrong, but rather to simply be able to add to the sum of knowledge of the natural world.

But she quickly ran into a problem. Her visions were so weak and so limited that once they ended, she could no longer recall what the object of her vision looked like. Her Ravenclaw cleverness was able to discern a pattern and propose a theory: she could remember _active_ details: how something moved or acted, things that could be described by verbs and adverbs. But despite every memory trick she tried, she could not remember _passive_ details: color, shape, location… nouns and adjectives.

What was the point of seeing a Nargle if she couldn't remember what it looked like? Of course, knowing that it floated—not flew—was significant, she supposed.

And then one day after many failed tests and experiments, quite by accident she discovered that if while still in the vision she tried to draw what she saw, the end result was nearly photographic in quality.

This surprised her more than anyone else, as she had grown up believing she wasn't a good artist at all. The last time she drew for fun, it took five minutes to convince her ever-believing father that, yes, THAT _was_ a tree. In the end, he finally understood it once she explained that the tree was blue simply because she thought it would be fun to draw it blue since she had never seen a blue tree before.

Then again, in all fairness, when she thought about it some more, she did remember that she was only four at the time, so perhaps it wasn't good to base her future on what had happened so long ago. Indeed, late last year, she had taken up painting—painting pictures of her friends on the ceiling of her bedroom.

But that had been last year, months before discovering this new ability, and was completely unlike the near photo-realism of her "remote drawing". With more experimentation, she further learned that the only limiting factors in the quality of her drawings were the amount of time she spent inside the vision and the types and sizes of drawing materials themselves. It didn't take her long to realize that there was an inherent limit to the quality she could achieve with quills, ink, and parchment. Owling away for some proper drawing paper and art pencils dramatically improved the quality of her work literally overnight.

No matter how long she spent inside a vision, she still could never recall what her subject looked like. But now, with a good graphite pencil and a half-hour of solitude or more, she could at least depart the vision with what was tantamount to a black and white photograph. She, of course, _saw _in color, but trying to _draw _in color whilst in a vision always ended up _really_ weird.

And so it was that today found Luna Lovegood sitting on the shore of the lake, leaning back against a tree, hoping to get for the first time actual proof that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks were real. First, she'd drawn several images of various items back at home that she'd asked her daddy to use as test objects. Then, once convinced it was actually working, she'd started with Nargles and Blibbering Humdingers. While it seemed to be working, the creatures were far too small to draw very well.

Thus, now she was trying for a Snorkack since she was certain they were much larger.

Forty-five minutes into her planned hour-long vision, Luna found herself being torn away by the sounds of approaching voices. While in her trance-like state, her other senses seemed to become heightened to compensate for being so distracted.

_"… how much more backed up my balls can get! Has Pansy said anything to you why Millie won't put out?"_

_"I guarantee the last thing either of us wants to talk about is your non-existent sex life, Goyle, or your non-existent dick."_

_"But you're no bigger than I am. How did you get Pansy to spread her legs for you? — She is, isn't she? — Is she, Drake?"_

_"Shut up, Goyle! I don't have to explain myself to you. If my father hears that you — Wait! Shh! Shut up! There's someone over there on the other side of the lake! Up against the tree."_

_"Let's go see who it is and bug them."_

_"Heh heh heh… you said 'bug.'"_

_"Shut up, Crabbe!"_

_"Shut up, Crabbe!"_

Luna opened her eyes and the voices faded away into the distance as her hearing returned to normal. She looked down at the drawing in her lap. She never remembered the details of her vision, so she was always surprised by what she drew, even when she already knew what it was going to be. But this time she was doubly surprised. This was nothing like what she expected!

For some reason, she'd expected, _assumed_, that the Snorkack was a purple creature with a cow-like face about the size of a large dog, a large hump on its back and two horns on its head, one above the other. The top one was shorter and straight like a unicorn horn, while the bottom one was longer and curved upwards and over the top horn. At least that was what the large stuffed toy looked like that her mum had made for her when she was three years old.

But looking at the paper in front of her, what she drew, although obviously incomplete, was much smaller… more kitten-sized than a dog.

As it turned out, that was good because if it _had_ been the size of her stuffed toy version, it wouldn't have even fit onto the sketchbook that she had brought with her today. Because they were drawn whilst in her visions, Luna's drawings were always exactly full-scale true-to-life. For that reason, she had bought several sizes of sketchbooks to cover a wide variety of possible sizes.

Looking closely at the kitten-like creature, she noticed that instead of fur, it had fine feathers, almost down-like, even down to the bottom of its four legs. Most noticeably, large prominent feathers, much like those of a Great Horned Owl, lined the ears. The way they flattened out to the sides gave them the appearance of being, well, _crumpled_.

The owners of the earlier voices were now crashing through the forest undergrowth to intrude upon Luna's solitude; she shook her head to clear the last remaining wisps of mental fog created by her visions. She took one last look at her proof that the Snorkack was real.

It was absolutely nothing like what she had imagined or expected, but nonetheless, Luna was very happy.

But not for very long.

"Well, well, well. Look at who we have here. Loony Lovegood!" Draco Malfoy drawled in a voice that dripped with undeserved self-confidence. His ever-present gaggle of goons guffawed giddily.

Knowing it was best to simply ignore the Slytherin, Luna moved to put away her sketchbook. Unfortunately, she was not fast enough, as Malfoy had magicked it out of her hands with a quick Summoning charm.

"What do we have here?" he cooed happily. "Widdle Woony's been dwawing!" he mocked.

His voice wasn't so amused after a moment of silence.

"What the hell _is_ this?" he asked in irritated confusion. It was hard for him to ridicule it if he didn't know what he was looking at.

"It's a Crumple-Horned Snorkack," Luna said, finally speaking. "Even _you_ should be able to recognize that."

Any retort Malfoy might've had for what he thought was sarcasm was instantly drowned by laughter when he realized she was serious.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin, you're serious! Loony's imaginary creatures!" Malfoy choked out as he struggled to regain his breath. "She- she's serious!" he repeated to Crabbe and Goyle, which set them laughing again.

"Oh, oh, wait-wait-wait-wait!" he wheezed, trying to catch his breath and quiet the other two. "I know. I know." He started laughing again. "I'll give you something to draw. You've been hanging around Scarhead and his Mudblood lately, right? You want something imaginary to draw, why don't you draw Potter's Trouser Snake?"

Crabbe and Goyle burst out laughing.

"If you're going to draw things that don't exist, start with that!"

As Malfoy succumbed to his laughter again, he threw Luna's sketchbook into the lake as far as he could. (It didn't go very far. He could have banished it but he felt more empowered by throwing it with his bare hands. Whatever magical prowess he may or may not have had, it accompanied a marked lack of upper body strength.) The three Slytherins then starting walking back towards the castle, laughing so hard they began wheezing again.

Once they were gone, Luna summoned her sketchbook back to her. A couple of quick spells and it was dry and as good as new… another reason why pencil was better than ink. Looking at her partial Snorkack drawing again, she let out a tiny sigh of disappointment. She would have start over; she couldn't resume drawing in the middle of a vision.

Luna flipped to the next blank page and stared blankly at the drawing paper's finely textured surface.

"That's a brilliant idea!" she suddenly exclaimed aloud. _Why didn't I think of it sooner?_

She'd never seen Harry's Trouser Snake before. Of course, she'd never seen any Trouser Snake before, neither in person nor in any of the books that were in her house.

With a happy smile, Luna got herself comfortable again and leaned up against the tree. Pencil in hand, she allowed her mind to go blank and closed her eyes. As was habit by now, her grip tightened slightly as the whirlwind of images slowly began to clear and focus into one.

* * *

_**A/N: **If you want to see what the Snorkack that Luna expected to see __looked like__ (the stuffed toy version that her mother made for her), just do a google image search for "Crumple Horned Snorkack" and it should appear in the first few image results. Luna's stuffed animal version is the one currently on display at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios. However, since JKR has never confirmed or denied whether Snorkacks are real (thankfully... since I really didn't need to know that wizards used to just relieve themselves anywhere, anytime), I simply have made it my story that Luna's stuffed animal was just a fanciful toy that a loving mother had sewn together for her three-year-old daughter._


	2. The Trouser Snake

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**THE TROUSER SNAKE**

"Hello, Hermione," Luna greeted her friend one week later. The brunette witch jumped in her seat as her quill went flying, ink splattering over her parchment. The studious Gryffindor was a bit unnerved at how the Ravenclaw could always do that.

Even when deeply immersed in her reading or studying, Hermione Granger was always ultra-sensitive to even the slightest of distractions; anyone who interrupted her peace was at risk of imminent harm, depending on who or why. Contrary to what some would suspect, it was impossible to sneak up on her while she was "in the zone."

Nearly impossible.

Somehow, Luna always managed to do it. If Hermione didn't know any better, she might have suspected the blonde of silently Apparating.

"Hello, Luna," she replied in a friendly tone after regaining her composure. "How are you today?" she asked out of habit.

"Oh, fine. Just finished my menstrual cycle yesterday," Luna replied unimportantly. "Nothing special. And you?"

Hermione blinked a moment. No matter how well she'd gotten to know the Ravenclaw over the last couple of years, she never got used to her literal answers to figurative questions. And in all honesty, she never wanted to. That was part of the unique charm that made Luna, Luna.

Hermione also knew that Luna's _"And you?"_ was not figurative either. And she knew Luna would not accept an answer that was not to the question she asked.

"Not for another two weeks," she replied after first making sure there was no one else around to hear her answer. Luna nodded in acknowledgment. She then just stood there, staring at the spilled inkblots.

Sensing that Luna was done talking for the moment, Hermione drew her wand and quickly cleaned up the spilled ink. Just as she was about to pick up her quill again, Luna sat down in the seat next to her.

"Where's Harry?"

Hermione glanced at the new wristwatch the aforementioned wizard had given her for her birthday last month. "Well, it's just before six right now. He's probably nearly frozen to his broomstick thanks to their _idiotic_ decision to hold today's Quidditch practice rain or shine since tomorrow is Hogsmeade weekend," Hermione replied in a single breath in exasperation.

"Since he's probably soaked to the bone and covered in mud, he'll probably head up to the Prefect's Bath after a quick shower and change of clothes. On days like today, he usually goes up for a hot soak to help relieve some tension."

"I'm sure he will," Luna replied airily. Hermione looked up. If it had been anyone else, any other tone of voice, that statement would have been sarcastic, or suggestive. But this was Luna; Hermione smiled.

"Yep," she confirmed, returning to her notes.

"Do you have a moment?" the blonde witch asked.

"For you, always," Hermione replied as she set down her quill. Ever since Ron had started dating Lavender at the end of last year, he had been spending more and more time with the voluptuous blonde, and Luna was more than happy to fill that hole.

Hermione was very happy for Ron. By no means was he drifting away from his two best friends. Rather it was simple temporal mechanics that any time spent with Lavender could not be spent with Harry and Hermione. In fact, it had actually seemed to improve the friendship between the three of them as well.

Having a girlfriend seemed to greatly bolster Ron's self-confidence which lessened his occasional bouts of jealousy of Harry. And not in the sense of "I have a girlfriend and Harry doesn't." Rather, Ron was just plain and simple happier with himself, so imagined or actual differences between him and Harry didn't seem to matter quite as much anymore.

But even more importantly, at least as far as Hermione was concerned, Ron finally started to understand the difference between "fighting like an old married couple" and "fighting like brother and sister." With an actual girl that he could snog and fantasize about undressing, he finally realized that the strong feelings of affection—and aggravation—he felt for Hermione were far more similar to the familial feelings he felt for Ginny rather than the lustful feelings he had for Lavender.

As a result, his relationship with Hermione greatly improved now that he wasn't intentionally trying to rile her up as much as he had in the past when he thought he was _supposed_ to — "like an old married couple."

Hermione resisted the urge to roll her eyes when she saw Luna pull out her sketchbook. Her feelings for the quirky sixth-year blonde may have warmed considerably in the past two years, so much so it even surprised her sometimes, but she was still Luna.

"I made some new drawings this past week, and I wanted to get your opinion on them."

Ever since she discovered her supposed gift, Luna always brought her drawings to Hermione as proof that the unique things the unique witch believed in, actually existed. Predictably, Hermione was still unconvinced. At first, all of Luna's drawings were her "test" drawings of ordinary items, which of course proved nothing about her ability to see things. They were things she could have simply just looked at and drawn.

Two weeks ago, she finally started bringing in drawings of her imaginary creatures. Having over a dozen different sketches of what she claimed were Nargles and Blibbering Humdingers still didn't prove that they existed.

The drawings were amazingly detailed and quite lifelike though, Hermione had to admit, not that there was even much there to see on the page anyway due to their small size.

Luna opened her book and flipped through the first several dozen pages of previous drawings to get to the newest ones. She then set it in front of Hermione.

Nearly done with her homework anyway, Hermione felt it only polite to give Luna her undivided attention, so she put away her own books and took the sketchbook, looking at the first picture. Luna began to narrate.

"This is one last Nargle. I'm sorry for the lack of detail. That's all I could see of it this time. They're not very active when there's no mistletoe around. They seem to just lie around for most of the year, except around Christmas."

"Mm-hmm," Hermione confirmed, her enthusiasm fading quickly. A sleeping Nargle wasn't all that interesting to watch.

_They're not even real!_ she had to remind herself. One side effect of seeing Luna's pictures, again and again, was that Hermione was beginning to recognize the creatures. Every drawing was completely different, exactly as if Luna _had_ been observing different specimens of the same animal.

And yet for all the differences, the drawings themselves were consistent, as if she was looking at the same species. It was almost as if Luna was actually observing these animals… that were _completely imaginary_ and _didn't really exist!_

But regardless of that, the one thing that Hermione could not refute was that the drawings were amazing. The detail, the clarity… it really was just short of a black and white photograph. Luna always claimed that she was a horrible artist, but Hermione knew that was simply a case of modesty… something that both she and Harry could relate to fully.

_If only she used her powers for good…_ Hermione thought to herself jokingly, in regards to Luna's insistence upon drawing imaginary creatures.

"And this," Luna proclaimed dramatically, "is my first drawing of one of two new subjects. Do you recognize it?" she asked excitedly. She was about five seconds away from bouncing in her seat.

Hermione looked and stared dumbly at the drawing. _A feathered guinea pig?_ was the witty retort that she knew better than to say. Oh, she wasn't worried about Luna being offended. Rather, she was worried about fueling her imagination.

The prominent tufts of feathers where the ears should be on the not-a-gerbil quickly drew the Gryffindor's attention. Well familiar with the numerous breeds of school owls, the first thing to pop into Hermione's mind was a Great Horned Owl. After another second or two of inspection, she realized the tufts were pointing out sideways as if flattened. Flattened. Crumpled?

_It isn't?_ Hermione asked herself.

"A Crumple-Horned Snorkack?" Hermione asked dryly.

Luna's face lit up like a Christmas tree. She threw herself upon the unsuspecting Gryffindor, nearly knocking both of them out of their chairs.

"Oh, I'm so happy you recognized it," Luna said, still hugging Hermione. "I was ever so worried that you wouldn't. I must confess that even I was surprised at what it actually looks like. It looks _nothing_ like how I imagined it would! As you can see, it's obviously unfinished, but you get the general idea. Draco Malfoy interrupted me while I was drawing, so I wasn't able to finish it," she said all in one breath.

"Erm," Hermione said less-than-eloquently, still trapped in Luna's embrace. "Any- any problems with Malfoy?" she stuttered into Luna's blonde hair.

This was another thing Hermione was still having a hard time getting used to. Ever since Luna had started "filling in for Ron", she had taken to hugging both Harry and Hermione for even the most trivial of things.

True, it always seemed reasonable enough… it was only when Luna was excited or thankful. And it really wasn't all that embarrassing: Luna only ever did it when the two or three of them were alone.

And besides, Hermione really had to admit, it wasn't all that unpleasant either. On the contrary, it was quite enjoyable, in fact.

She attributed this to her relationship with her parents; they were the ultimate personification of the British "stiff upper lip." Being cool, clinical medical professionals didn't help any, either. As a result, while Mr. and Mrs. Granger were always loving and supportive, actual physical expressions of affection were rare, usually limited to nightmares, scraped knees, and birthdays and holidays.

So, Hermione didn't at all mind whenever Luna or Harry hugged her. Of course, when Harry hugged her (or she hugged him) that was entirely a different matter. But Luna… well, Hermione was just being polite… accepting the affection as it was intended. That was all it was, she was sure.

And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Hermione often noticed during these hugs that Luna's hair smelled like plums. Or that she would be lying if she couldn't admit that Luna was rather pretty. Or that when the three of them were outside alone enjoying a nice sunny day, Luna would often sit up against a tree and use her knees as an impromptu reading or drawing table. And if Luna's skirt fell across her propped-up knees in a certain way, and if she were to sit directly across from her and Harry like Luna always did, they could see what color her knickers were.

_Harry certainly notices her knickers when he thinks no one is looking,_ Hermione commented to herself, a bit jealous. _White… pink… periwink—_

"Oh, Draco was just his normal self," Luna said dismissively as if it were trivial, breaking Hermione's increasing sense of distraction. Luna finally broke the embrace, sitting back in her chair properly. "He got bored after a while and wandered off with his friends." She turned her attention back to her drawing.

"So what do you think?" Luna asked excitedly.

"Um, well…" Hermione hesitated, trying to be diplomatic. "It's hard to say anything for sure. I mean, with only one drawing… and one that's incomplete I might add. Per- perhaps with a few more drawings… you know, for comparison purposes, I could provide a better opinion."

Luna thought about this for a moment.

"Oh, you're absolutely right, I agree. Like I said, this was simply the first one. I had planned to draw more, but Draco interrupted me.

"Speaking of which, this _next_ set of drawings I think you'll find interesting. Believe it or not, it was actually Draco's idea. I'll have to remember to thank him some time for suggesting it. I spent all week working on these. I have five different drawings, so you'll see quite a wide range here."

Luna picked up her sketchbook again and gave one last longing gaze at the Snorkack. She then ﬂipped the page and set the book down on the table in front of Hermione. With her usual skeptical face, the Gryffindor witch looked down.

Luna Lovegood watched with fascination as Hermione Granger looked at the drawing. There was a brief moment of incomprehension, then a slow blink as though she couldn't believe her eyes. Luna smiled. She felt that way too when she first saw it.

Hermione's eyes then widened and her jaw dropped open in stunned shock. To Luna's surprise, Hermione's hand suddenly slammed down upon the drawing, covering it up as her face began to turn red.

"Luna Lovegood! What the _hell_ are you playing at?!" Hermione whispered furiously as she looked around frantically to see if her slam had drawn Madam Pince's attention. Deciding she was safe, she grabbed hold of the sketchbook and quickly flipped it over.

"What do you mean, 'what am I playing at?'" Luna asked in confusion. "I told you: I See things and then I draw them."

Hermione sputtered in indignation. "I didn't mean what you were _doing_," she hissed, "I meant what you were _drawing_. Specifically, _THIS_ drawing!"

Luna was amazed at how loud a person could talk and yet still be whispering.

"What? I thought you knew what it was. You certainly looked like you recognized it."

The bright red hue returned to Hermione's face briefly as her mouth opened and closed several times as though she was trying to speak.

"But if not, I apologize," Luna continued, sounding truly regretful. "It's a Trouser Snake!" she then proclaimed proudly.

"Tr- _trouser_ snake?" Hermione asked. The multiple question marks were perfectly audible.

"Yes, of course. A Trouser Snake. _Harry's_ Trouser Snake. What did you think it was?" Luna asked.

Hermione's eyes widened in shock even further. Without even thinking, she quickly flipped the sketchbook over to look at it again, as if to verify Luna's answer. After another few seconds of intense scrutiny, Hermione realized what she had done, dropped it again, and again put her hand down over it to hide the drawing.

After a few moments of hyperventilating, Hermione finally regained her composure. Some of it, at least. After looking down at her hand and arm which completely hid the drawing, she slowly looked back up at Luna again.

"What… whe… _why_ did you draw this again?" the brunette asked weakly.

"I told you, silly. I was sitting beside the lake last week, in the middle of drawing the Snorkack. Draco Malfoy and his friends came along and interrupted me. After seeing the drawing, he made fun of it, and then suggested that if I wanted to draw something imaginary, I should draw Harry's Trouser Snake," Luna explained simply as if this sort of thing happened every day.

"Which is totally absurd," she said with a tinkling laugh. "As you can see, it's perfectly real."

"I'll say…" Hermione muttered absently as she lifted her hand away to look at the drawing again. Catching what she'd just said and that she was looking at the drawing again, she looked extremely embarrassed and clamped that same hand over her mouth. She then looked even more surprised and pulled her hand away and looked at it as if she had touched something she shouldn't have when she put her hand down over the drawing.

Luna took the opportunity to pull the sketchbook away from Hermione. She flipped the page and started showing her the other drawings. All Hermione could do, in those brief instants when she forced herself to tear her eyes away from the drawings, was to look around to see if their little corner of the library was still undisturbed.

"I must confess, drawing Harry's Trouser Snake has been _very_ fascinating. I've rarely seen such a wide variation in the appearance of a single animal. I mean, different Nargles look different, naturally. But still, they all look relatively similar. But Harry's Trouser Snake, wow, well it seems to change shape and size so many times, it's quite amazing!" Luna explained excitedly.

"I'll say…." Hermione murmured as she gazed at the drawing.

Seeing that Hermione now appeared as interested as she was, Luna started showing off the rest of the drawings.

"This one here, this was the first one I drew," the blonde explained. "It seems to look rather ordinary. I didn't know where Harry or his snake was, or what they were doing at the time, so it's hard to describe it as anything other than ordinary, so I just consider it like a control sample."

Hermione nodded vacantly. She might have been a little transfixed by the drawing, but somewhere in her mind, the idea of a control sample resonated.

"This one," Luna said, flipping the page again, "this one I drew last Friday during my free period. I think you have Charms during that time, right?" Hermione nodded meekly; her eyes were still fixated upon the drawing.

"It certainly seems a little bit bigger in this drawing. Since he was in class then, I assume that maybe he let it out for a little air. Maybe he released it in the dorm so it could slither around while he was in class? I know how some people feel about snakes, so I would imagine his roommates wouldn't be too happy if he had his snake out while they were there."

Hermione suppressed a snort of laughter.

_Last Friday Charms?_ she suddenly remembered. _I spent half the class with my hand stuck to the back of Harry's hand thanks to RONALD not doing his Sticking Charm reading properly. I kept wriggling my hand around trying to get it free. I joked to myself that it felt like I was stroking the top of his hand seductively…_

Hermione's blush returned. Unfazed, Luna continued on with her show and tell, turning to the third drawing.

"This one I don't like very much. I don't think it's very good." Luna shook her head in unspoken agreement when she saw the look of disappointment on Hermione's face. "It was just so small this time. It looks like it's all shriveled up and scrunched up in a hiding place somewhere.

"I drew this last Monday evening, during Harry's Quidditch practice. That was the day I came up to your room to return your Runes book. I remember seeing him come into the Gryffindor common room just as I was leaving. Poor Harry, he looked chilled to the bone."

Luna paused for a moment as Hermione cleared her throat several times. Hermione thought back; that was the day Harry came back very grumpy because, almost as if on purpose, Malfoy had been using the bath at the exact time that the Gryffindor Quidditch practice had ended on that very cold and rainy day.

"But this one," Luna said importantly, getting ready to turn the page to the fourth drawing, "this one I think is my most favorite of them all." She turned the page.

Hermione's eyes widened so far, Luna was worried they might actually fall out of her head. The Gryffindor witch's mouth fell open quite slowly and her lower lip began to tremble.

"First of all, there's something about it that when I look at it, it's almost majestic. It just feels right, you know?" Hermione could not speak, but she did manage an absent-minded nod.

"But more than that, what I like most is that it's the best of all the drawings. I was able to spend the most time on it and you can see the most detail here."

Hermione squeaked as she looked at the drawing that seemed to fill the page.

"I've seen lots of different kinds of snakes before, but none quite like this one. But I guess that's why it's magical. It's nice in this drawing that you can see more details because it's bigger the way it's all stretched out. Of course, here you can clearly see the head. I wasn't sure what to call those two things. In the end, I decided to call them pods."

"Pods?" Hermione asked faintly. "Like… seeds? Or… … nuts?" she asked, almost afraid.

"Oh no, silly," Luna laughed. "Pods, like feet. After all, they're on the opposite side as the head. But since they're round, I just thought 'pods' sounded more appropriate.

"You know, I was wondering what it eats. Because it has such a small mouth for a snake. And it must be blind too because I've never seen any eyes. But that's okay because I know Harry takes very good care of his snake."

"Wha- What?" Hermione asked suddenly, snapping out of her trance. "H- how do you know that?"

"Oh, well, if you look carefully and try to imagine, do you see how the snake's mouth could be misinterpreted as an eye?" Again, all Hermione could do was nod. She appeared almost afraid to look at the drawing again.

"That's how I know it's his mouth and why I know Harry takes such good care of him. I drew this one two days ago after dinner.

"I went up in my room and got comfortable on my bed and tried to get ready to draw. When I first saw his snake, before I started drawing, it didn't look very well… kinda shriveled and squished up like that other drawing.

"But then Harry started petting his snake. You're biting your lip, did you know that?" Luna suddenly asked.

"Huh? What? Oh, yeah. I was… it… yeah, I knew. Thanks for noticing," Hermione replied, the slightest tint of sarcasm discernable.

"You're welcome," Luna replied happily. Even after several years Hermione still didn't know whether Luna understood the concept of sarcasm, couldn't recognize it, or just didn't mind it.

"As I was saying, Harry was being oh so considerate, petting his snake. It must have been very unhappy earlier, all scrunched up like it had been. But as soon as Harry started petting him, he quickly decided to stretch all the way out. It was just like how Crookshanks stretches out when you scratch his back."

Luna noticed that Hermione flinched ever so slightly when the snake was compared to her half-Kneazle, so she made sure to never do that again. Fortunately, that passed quickly enough as the Gryffindor was now staring at the "stretched-out" drawing again… staring very intently.

After a few moments, Hermione closed her eyes briefly and then looked back up at Luna. With what appeared to be a dry mouth, she spoke again.

"Uh… where was this?"

"Oh, well, mostly around the snake's head, but all along its body too," Luna explained. Hermione closed her eyes again and let out a groan; Luna was certain she didn't need that pointed out. However…

"But he was being very nice, and his other hand was petting around the pods too."

Hermione groaned again. "No, no," she corrected after a few difficult moments. "I meant, where was he when this was happening?"

"Oh, well, I can't say for certain," Luna replied. "I assume he was in the Prefect's Bath. It was Wednesday night, and Harry did say he was going to head up after dinner, didn't he? Snakes are cold-blooded, so I thought maybe it would enjoy being in the heat while Harry bathed.

"As I told you before, when I 'See' I can only see the object of my vision and not its surroundings. The only reason I could see Harry's hands was because he was petting the Trouser Snake. His hands disappeared from my sight whenever he let go of it.

"Are you feeling well, Hermione?" Luna asked, concerned. "You seem to have gotten very distracted in the past few minutes and have forgotten many of the things I've already told you about how my visions worked, like about not seeing the surroundings.

"Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey," she encouraged. "You might have an inner ear infection. I wasn't sure if you noticed, but for the last minute, you've been rocking back and forth slowly in your seat."

Hermione's attention seemed to refocus a little, but it was accompanied by another blush.

"No, I'm fine. It's nothing she can help me with." Hermione's eyes were quickly drawn back to the drawing.

Luna nodded and forged ahead. "Now, at first I thought maybe it was his eye… the snake's. Because not long after Harry started petting him, the snake started crying a little… not much, just a few tears. But Harry would never do anything mean, so I assume they were tears of joy if the snake was unhappy when it was all squished up and then Harry let it out."

"Erm, I do have a question," Hermione interrupted as she turned a darker shade of red then looked around again making sure they were still alone. "The, um, the drawing… it's, er, very nice and… _detailed_. But is it… I mean… is the drawing… does it… is it…?" Hermione seemed unable to speak the words aloud, so she simply held her hands together above the drawing then moved them apart several times of varying distances until finally, they were a little over eight inches apart, matching the drawing beneath.

"Is it drawn to scale?" Luna offered. "Oh yes, of course it is. All of my drawings are life-size. I can't draw them any other way."

"Oh, sweet Morgana!" Hermione whimpered as dropped her arm onto the drawing then her head onto her arm. After a few moments, she sat up and grabbed the top of her blouse, fanning herself as if she was getting warm. Luna was about to ask again, but Hermione beat her to it.

"Yes, I promise you I'm all right. I know you told me about how you draw. I've just been a little distracted by the, erm, drawings … and their… unique subject."

"That's good to know. I'd hate it if you got sick. Which reminds me, we need to keep an eye on Harry and make sure he doesn't get sick either. Remember how I said his snake didn't look very good before he started petting it?

"Well, his snake must be ill. And this is how I know it wasn't his eye, because after about ten minutes, his snake got sick all over the place. The poor thing, it must have vomited eight or nine times. It just happened so fast.

"But Harry was so sweet and kind, like he always is. He just held onto it and kept petting it the entire time, trying to make it feel better until it finally stopped."

Luna noticed that by now, Hermione's eyes were so dilated they were almost black. She was breathing heavily and her earlier dry mouth must have returned because she was now licking her lips.

"You know… now that I think about it, I don't think he _was_ in the bath. While Harry held his snake as it left big splashes of sick all over his hand, I could hear him calling your name over and over again. Maybe he was in the common room and calling for you to help him with the snake?"

Hermione's attention suddenly became as focused as a laser.

"Harry… he- he was calling out MY name?"

"Yes," Luna replied, appearing a little confused by Hermione's surprise.

"He was calling out my name?" Hermione asked again, a faint trace of a smile beginning to appear on her face.

"Yes," the blonde confirmed. "As I said, his snake was sick and he was probably calling for you to help him with it. That, or he named his snake after you, but that would be unusual, don't you think?" Luna asked, crinkling her nose to reflect that.

Hermione looked at the drawing one last time, now with new-found enthusiasm. She turned back to Luna, smiling guardedly.

"Luna, could you do me a favor, please?"

"Well, that depends on what it is," the Ravenclaw replied friendly but cautiously. She wasn't going to get tricked into joining the Illuminati again.

"Until I can talk to Harry and then get back to you, could you please not talk to anyone about the snake or show those drawings to anyone else?"

"Oh, of course," Luna agreed, closing her drawing book. Hermione looked at her watch. Their entire conversation had only taken a few minutes so it was just after six o'clock.

"Quidditch practice just ended," Hermione said, mostly to herself. Obviously, she seemed to have forgotten she already told Luna that.

"It's been cold and rainy all day. He'll probably go for another hot bath tonight," Luna reminded her. "You should probably hurry. If you don't get there in time, he'll probably already be _in_ the bath."

Hermione smiled a mischievous grin, something Luna didn't see all that often.

"My thoughts exactly." She packed up her books and then started to stand up.

"See you later, Hermione," Luna said. "Please, be sure and let me know what happens."

Hermione chuckled but did not reply. "Good night, Luna." She then started to head for the library door, walking very slowly as if to draw out time.

Once Hermione had left the library, Luna smiled and let out a satisfied sigh.

"Considering it was Hermione Granger, that was _way_ too easy," she whispered to herself proudly.

* * *

_**A/N:** All new content starts next chapter! ;-)_


	3. Luna's Plan

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER THREE**

**LUNA'S PLAN**

Luna opened her drawing book again and turned to the fifth and final drawing. This one was from last night, the one where Harry had moaned _both_ Hermione _and_ Luna's names as he wanked.

Luna Lovegood was rather proud of herself. True, it _had_ been Draco's idea for her to use her ability to draw Harry's penis, though obviously the haughty Slytherin had no idea just how very generous his manhood truly was. She'd always wondered what it looked like or how big he was, but she'd never considered doing what she'd done. She knew that if she indulged her more basic urges and simply spied on him, Harry would feel violated.

But this wasn't spying for the sake of her own personal gratification. No, this was for a more noble purpose.

She knew Harry and Hermione were both secretly in love with each other. She also knew both were very guarded about their respective feelings. Worse, they were as stubborn as Hippogriffs when it came to admitting their feelings for each other in fear of rejection and losing their friendship.

Luna knew that direct interference in their (non-existent) love lives would be counterproductive, and in fact, would probably destroy what pathetic little progress the two had made on their own.

So, the Ravenclaw had to be a little more Slytherin to show her Hufflepuff dedication to her Gryffindor friends.

Luna took one last, longing glance at the fifth drawing and turned to a blank page. She pulled out her pocket watch and checked the time: 6:10. There was one last thing she needed to try to draw. She immediately began to feel butterﬂies in her stomach. For the first time since she started to use her vision, she was truly afraid of what she might See. She didn't know what she would find when she opened her eyes afterward: a blank page, or the answer to her question.

Because in addition to everything else, there was one more thing Luna knew: she too was in love with Harry Potter. _And _Hermione Granger.

Luna knew that Harry and Hermione were truly in love with each other. She also knew that they both had such an abundant capacity for caring and love that they had the ability to love more than one person. But due to their non-magical upbringing, it was highly unlikely that such an idea would even occur to them as an option, assuming they were even open to considering it.

Luckily for her, such relationships were perfectly acceptable, though uncommon, within wizarding society—across the entire magical political spectrum from Light to Gray to Dark—as long as financial and legal requirements were met. But more importantly, it was crucial that certain traditions and obligations were honored and respected.

After all, plural marriages were not about a wizard fooling around with two women. That could be accomplished much more easily, and safely, with a mistress on the side outside of wedlock. No, plural marriages were a respected institution to strengthen and expand magical bloodlines.

If plural marriages were respected amongst ordinary wizards, then they were almost celebrated for wizards who were the last of their house, or who were the heirs to more than one bloodline; Harry, of course, was both. Because regardless of whether either side was for or against introducing new magical blood—Muggleborns—into wizarding society, everyone agreed without hesitation that it was absolutely critical to prevent the loss of _existing_ magical bloodlines.

Despite this, plural marriages were still a rarity. This was largely practical though, due primarily to the difficulty in maintaining harmony with two wives and the resulting children. Many of the "Pureblood elite" cared only about producing a single son to continue the family line without conflict or sibling rivalry. For plural marriages, however, a minimum of two children from each wife, preferably a boy and a girl, was the _unofficial_ expectation under the mantle of 'expanding magical bloodlines.'

Harmony was crucial. Having separate wives in separate houses with separate families was looked down upon, similar to the stigma of openly flaunted adultery. How could it ever be considered a harmonious union when the two sides were segregated?

If a wizard was going to choose the responsibility of two wives, at the very least he had to be able to support such a large family financially. But even more importantly, he had to choose two wives who were compatible, not only with himself but with each other as well – magically, emotionally, and politically. A wizard with one Light and one Dark-aligned wife was just tempting fate… and "_'til death do us part._"

Luna knew that if the two of them were actually open to such an arrangement, having them treat the situation with the respect and sense of duty that magical society expected would be the easiest part of this entire endeavor.

The hard part, of course, was finding out if they were willing to expand their minds a little, and their hearts. Because Luna believed in her own heart that they needed her too. Luna knew a lot of things, things that other people could never know or understand. But this was _not_ something she knew.

She did not _know_ whether Harry and Hermione could accept a relationship like this.

She did not _know _if they could love her too.

But she _believed _that they could.

She _believed_ that for all of the strengths that the two of them had individually, as well as combined, she too could add something else, something different and unique, that would only make them stronger than they could ever be individually or even as a couple.

After all, wasn't the triangle the strongest, most stable shape?

Luna giggled. She suspected Hermione might politely suggest that mathematically speaking, a circle or sphere was the strongest shape. But from a different point of view, a circular tin can was easily crushed when lying on its side. And a sphere was hardly stable when it rolled away. But more importantly, if Hermione did go off on that particular tangent, she'd be missing the point: _three_ people formed a _triangle_, not a circle.

_That_ was what Luna knew she could offer both Harry and Hermione: a different point of view.

The Ravenclaw also enjoyed all of the math puns in that earlier paragraph.

So, with her drawing pencil at the ready, Luna Lovegood closed her eyes and focused on what she wanted, no, _needed_ to see.

_When will Harry and Hermione be so shagged out of their minds that if I walk in, they'll ask me to join them?_

She didn't know if Harry and Hermione would fall in love with her. But lust was a good way to start the conversation, or at least ask the question. She knew Harry was in love with Hermione. But Luna also knew he was at least having lustful thoughts about her as well. It was a source of great emotional confusion for him.

He might have been the Boy Who Lived Who Loved, but he was also a teenage male overrun with a massive excess of testosterone (along with something else massive). That emotional confusion wasn't going to stop him from enjoying a nice wank now and then, especially after he had been looking up Luna's skirt all that afternoon before she'd made that fifth drawing.

Hermione was the key. Although Luna knew both of them could genuinely love more than one person, she also knew that once he was with Hermione, Harry wouldn't even look at another girl (let alone do other, more _exciting_ things) unless it was Hermione's idea.

And Hermione, well… once their relationship was firmly cemented Luna suspected it would be too late. She knew if she was going to be the whipped cream on their pumpkin pie, she needed to get her foot in the door before their minds became closed to new, _creative_ ideas.

Luna could share Harry with Hermione. But could Hermione share him with her? Could Hermione share herself?

Luna suspected so. She'd been hugging Hermione more and more often, for smaller and smaller reasons, and Hermione had never once objected. Neither had Harry of course, but Hermione had been Luna's… "research project."

And she knew Hermione had been looking up her skirt as well. Luna found the differences in their behavior fascinating. Harry would just stare for ten to fifteen seconds at a time, completely transfixed, possibly even unaware that he was overtly staring for so long. Then his brain would reengage and he would return to his reading, subtly trying to adjust himself to hide the growing tent in his trousers. He would do this maybe once every fifteen to twenty minutes.

But Hermione was much more discreet. She would peek for only a second or two, but she did it much more often than Harry did, maybe every five to ten minutes. It was like she couldn't stop herself from looking. She was definitely much more careful about being seen, but it also seemed like she kept checking to see if Luna had put her legs back down or readjusted her skirt.

If Luna had to guess, she suspected that the bushy-haired witch wasn't consciously attracted to her, at least as far as her brain was aware. But the frequent peeks suggested that her limbic system was at least curious about such things and was definitely interested to find out more since she certainly never complained about Luna's outfit or posture.

More than once Luna could see Hermione steal a nervous glance up to see if she had been caught peeking, but of course, Luna acted as if she hadn't noticed a thing. It was good that she could see out from behind her blonde hair more easily that her eyes could be seen from outside.

Five minutes later, Luna pulled herself out of the vision. She knew she had her answer, but because she never remembered what she saw, she didn't know what it was. She _had_ heard something in her vision as well but didn't understand what it was or what it meant. A few words that didn't seem to make any sense—some numbers and something that was almost… ominous? Well, maybe it would make sense once she looked at what she drew.

If she opened her eyes and found a drawing of her watch with a specific time on it, all of her heartfelt (and lust-felt) hopes would be realized. If she opened her eyes and found a blank piece of paper… well, she would be happy for the two of them and that would be the end of it.

Taking slow, calming breaths, Luna waited about ten seconds before opening her eyes.

"YAY!"

Luna looked more closely at the watch, which of course showed more than just the time. But at the moment, all she cared was that it said 8:37 PM with today's date.

And then she realized something: that was two-and-a-half hours away!

"Oh, poo!" she pouted.

None of her drawings could tell her how enduring Harry's stamina was. The two times she'd Seen him masturbate—for research purposes of course—were each limited to just one session. But he certainly seemed to maximize those ten to fifteen minutes… as much as anyone could in a place like the Prefects' Bath where there was a risk that other prefects might knock and interrupt occasionally.

But 8:37 was what the drawing said. If he was still going after two-and-a-half hours, then that certainly bode well for Luna. If though at some point Harry wanted to take a short recuperative break and leave the two girls to entertain themselves, well, she was perfectly fine with that too. Luna wasn't all that hung up over minor quibbles like gender, after all.

A person was a person, and she was attracted to the person, not their plumbing. And Luna found Hermione's fierce intelligence and loyalty dead sexy. The fact that it came in a yummy brown-haired, periwinkle blue-loving wrapper was just a bonus.

Before she got too carried away by thoughts of who poked what where, Luna spared a brief thought for Draco and his chums. It was his suggestion, after all, that started all of this. How could she thank him?

_Maybe I'll get him a magical Xtend-a-Willy_, she mused to herself with a silent chuckle. _Maybe that'll improve his chances_, she laughed, recalling the snippet of conversation she heard a week earlier.

Luna redirected her thoughts back to her own situation. _Harry certainly doesn't need one._

After a brief smile, she sighed. Those words she thought she'd heard still didn't make any sense. This was too important to leave to chance. She repeated her vision with the same exact question again, but this time she made sure to pay extra attention to anything she heard while there.

When she came out, she'd drawn the exact same time on her watch again, but she'd also confirmed what she'd heard. It was Hermione's voice, and she was saying those same words again, but they _still_ didn't make any sense. She wrote the words down now to be safe, just in case they too faded from her memory like the vision itself always did. It was mostly numbers; maybe it was related to the time and would make more sense when it was 8:37?

Resigned to the fact that she had well over two hours to wait, Luna put away her sketchbook and decided to pull out the newest issue of the _Quibbler. _There was a fascinating article she hadn't read yet that discussed and speculated on the newest rumors about Stubby Boardman. For a moment she was greatly tempted to see if she could draw a very special nature documentary about the legendary Trouser Snake meeting the mythical Skirt Kitten, but she suspected the action would be far too frantic to try to draw.

And besides, she'd done her earlier "surveillance" for Harry and Hermione's benefit. To watch them now would have been impolite. So she read and waited.

* * *

_**A/N:** Fun question. Is anyone out there new enough to Harry/Hermione shipping that they didn't know "pumpkin pie" is a very early alternate name for the Harmony ship? ;-)_


	4. Hermione's Plan

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**HERMIONE'S PLAN**

Hermione stood behind the statue of Boris the Bewildered, which was just four doors to the right of the Prefects' Bath, using it as cover. Even though she was Disillusioned and it would be virtually impossible for Harry to see her, she felt it was better to be safe than sorry.

Short of breath and with her heart racing, she resumed the debate she'd been having with herself off and on since leaving Luna in the library.

_Honestly! I don't even know why I'm here!_ Hermione's logical side argued. _Luna said he… She DREW his…! For all I know, she could just be some bloody pervert with an overactive imagination and a secret lust for Harry!_

_Well, if that's true, she has a VERY active imagination,_ her emotional side countered as she recalled with great interest just how generously-proportioned the drawing was.

_And besides, it isn't like I don't have a very active imagination and secret lust for Harry as well._

Hermione had a hard time rebutting that point, but it was just as well since Harry himself had just turned the corner. She began breathing slowly through her mouth, afraid that even the sound of her breathing too fast would betray her position.

She watched as Harry wearily approached the bathroom's door. His perfectly-under-control-because-it-was-still-wet hair was a dead giveaway that he had already showered away all of the dirt, sweat, and grime of practice back in the locker room.

After all, the Prefects' Bath was more about a relaxing hot soak than actual dirt removal. And tonight was no exception.

_And if Luna's right, another kind of "tension release" as well,_ her emotional side commented at the last second.

"Rich, sudsy lather," Harry spoke the password. The door immediately opened, indicating that the bath was not already in use. After he went in, the door closed behind him and in the silence of the empty corridor, even twenty feet away, Hermione imagined she could hear the nearly-silent sound of the door locking behind him.

But how long to wait? She needed to allow time for the pool to fill first, of course. Then, if Luna was right, long enough for the hot water and perfumed bubbles to relax Harry enough that he might consider doing something _else_.

It only took about five minutes for the pool to fill, and it usually only took _her_ another five minutes or so of soaking before she was relaxed enough for her mind (and hands) to start to wander. So, she hoped it would be similar for Harry too. She looked at her watch; she'd give him twelve minutes just to be safe.

And so now, the _real_ waiting truly began.

She'd come this far; she had to go all the way. In an attempt to prevent herself from talking herself out of this, Hermione allowed her mind to think about something other than waiting. Considering what she was hoping might happen in just a few minutes, it was no surprise that her mind returned to that day that she first started having sexual thoughts about Harry.

**_... THREE YEARS AGO ..._**

"Just ignore him, Hermione," Harry hissed as the two friends helped Hagrid clean up the feathers ruffled—violently ejected—from this week's lesson: some bird that Hagrid wasn't entirely sure the name of, which he claimed he _thought_ was some distant relative to Veela (in their avian form, naturally… possibly… maybe?).

"If Ron's going to be a jealous jackass for the rest of the year, then let him," Harry said, obviously upset. "If he would rather believe bloody Draco Malfoy over me, then I've got more important things to do than beat my head against his thick skull trying to change his mind."

"I know, Harry," Hermione sighed as she and Harry finally left the paddock, having allowed enough time for Ron to leave well ahead of them. "It's just… he's your best friend. He should be here helping you prepare for the first task."

"Yes, he _should_," Harry agreed with a hint of bitterness. "But he's not. And in all honesty, after dealing with Malfoy's smart-arse comments, and exploding feathers for the last hour, I'm really too tired to care about Ron right now."

Hermione stopped for a second to look at her friend who had endured so much. By his own admission, she knew his mood was being unfairly influenced by today's lesson, but still, Ron was far from innocent in this too.

Harry realized that Hermione had stopped walking so he did as well, turning around to see why she had stopped. She realized he must have seen the sad look on her face, for he smiled and came back towards her.

"Besides," he said encouragingly, "my _other_ best friend is here with me, and she _is_ helping me prepare for the task. Right now, I wouldn't trade ten of Ron for one of you."

Now, as Harry finished that sentence, he had been scratching the back of his head distractedly, and then turned around again to resume walking back to the castle. Hermione knew that the lack of any sort of meaningful expression as he said those words confirmed that there was no hidden sentiment behind them. But still, it did cause her heart to flutter all the same.

And for now, that was good enough.

Harry was clearly in little mood to talk any more right now, so Hermione let him be for the moment. She caught up to him and then the pair just walked silently, side by side, trailing about twenty feet behind the rest of the class as they headed back toward the castle. She moved a little closer to him, allowing her arm and shoulder to press against his occasionally as they walked to reassure him that she was still there. After a moment, she felt his arm press against hers too in thanks.

No other words were needed.

The walk back to the castle was clearly the best part of the miserable day so far. This morning's Herbology class with the Hufflepuffs was basically one giant cold shoulder toward Harry, and Hermione too for being his partner today. Even Professor Sprout seemed to be sending mixed signals, Hermione felt. Although she didn't tolerate any openly hostile behavior toward the false Hogwarts Champion, the Hufflepuff head of house also didn't do anything to discourage them from ignoring him either.

After lunch—during which Harry alternated between picking miserably at his food, casting subtle wistful glances in the direction of a certain black-haired Seeker at the Ravenclaw table, and casting less-than-subtle irritated glances in Ron's direction at the far end of his own table—the pair returned to Gryffindor Tower to fetch their books for their next classes.

There was still a bit of time left before the next classes were to begin, so most students were either still down in the Great Hall or in their common rooms socializing with friends. (Or in the case of Ron, probably still eating.)

And so currently, out in the corridor just on the other side of the Fat Lady's portrait, there was no one else around. This meant Harry could speak freely about his and Hermione's extra practice sessions for the first task without anyone overhearing.

"Same room, same time tonight?" Harry asked wearily.

"_Yes_, Harry," she replied in something of a teasing admonish. "We don't know what the first task will be, so we'll just have to try to make you as prepared as we possibly can for _anything_."

"Alright," Harry agreed reluctantly. "See you later."

And with that, he turned and started to head in the direction of the Divination classroom. After allowing herself her own wistful smile in his direction, Hermione turned in the opposite direction and started to head for the Arithmancy classroom.

On the way down, Hermione felt the call of nature. It was a biological fact common to every living creature on earth, and yet Hermione was still embarrassed whenever Harry or Ron knew she had to use the toilet. (Probably because Ron, at best, would make some crass comment or joke about reading in there, or wanting to follow instructions, or something else like that.) Glad that Harry was not there anyway, she quickly checked her watch and saw there was still fifteen minutes before class began.

Regrettably, the only two toilets between here and her destination were Moaning Myrtle's and the one near the Arithmancy classroom… which also happened to be the one nearest to the dungeons, the one of first year infamy.

She had put the troll incident behind her long ago; looking back through rose-tinted glasses, she now categorized it a positive, _constructive_ event as it had helped cement her friendship with Harry.

In actuality, what she was more uneasy about was the fact that because it was the one closest to the dungeons, it was the one nearest the Slytherin common rooms. She really was not in a mood to see any more _POTTER STINKS_ badges today.

_Just ignore them and they'll ignore you,_ she chanted to herself several times, not really believing it. Fortunately, the toilet was empty when she entered.

A few minutes later, Hermione was about to unlock and open her stall door when she heard the entrance door slam open.

"… told that frog she can kiss my arse!" she heard the voice of one of her 'favorite' Slytherins, as well as a second set of footsteps. Hermione froze.

_Of course, Pansy Parkinson!_ she said to herself in irritation. She quickly looked around; entombed in a tiny stall was not a good place to be discovered. _Same toilet, different troll._

Obviously the two Slytherins didn't know she was here. Her door was still closed, but then again, they all were. When the bathroom was rebuilt in first year, the new stalls all had little springs on the doors that closed them automatically, making the room look tidier. It was actually a little annoying because she always had to try a door to see if a stall was occupied. But today at least, she was grateful for it.

Her book bag was already hanging up on the door's coat hook (Hermione Granger's book bag sitting on a toilet floor? Never!) so it was out of sight. All that was left was herself. Praying that she didn't make a sound, she silently climbed up onto the toilet seat and crouched down. This way if someone looked, her feet were not visible beneath the door and her head was not visible above.

"What did she say to that?" the other witch asked; Hermione didn't recognize the voice.

"I dunno. The Beauxbatons bitch just jibbered something in French and then stormed off. The nerve of _them!_ Just waltz in here because of this tournament and steal all of our boys, and then they think they have the nerve to borrow one of my quills?"

"_Hmmpf!_" the unknown witch harrumphed in agreement.

_Oh, please, hurry up!_ Hermione pleaded silently. Crouching like this was horribly uncomfortable. From what she could hear, the two girls were standing in front of the sinks and mirrors, probably primping themselves after lunch, before classes.

_Like putting lipstick on a pig,_ Hermione thought to herself with a smirk. Oh, she would never say anything like that in front of them. But she definitely thought it.

Just when Hermione thought they were about ready to leave…

"Hey, Trace… can I ask you a personal question?"

_Trace? Tracey Davis,_ Hermione thought to herself in recognition.

"You can ask," Tracey replied noncommittally.

"You're with Blaise now, right?"

"Mm-hmm." Again, a bland, neutral confirmation. Hermione found the interplay fascinating. If they were friends, Tracey certainly didn't seem very eager to volunteer information beyond what was asked.

"Have… the two of you…?" The nervousness in Pansy's voice suggested the question was either very embarrassing or very personal.

"Have we what?" Tracey asked, obviously playing dumb. Considering what she'd heard Lavender and Parvati gossiping about often enough, Hermione was pretty sure this was sex-related if Pansy was asking about Tracey's boyfriend.

_"Have we what?"_ she repeated a little more coyly.

The silence from Pansy intrigued Hermione. What she wouldn't give to see the look on that pug face, simply for more context. Was she embarrassed to say the words? Or was there some deeper, more _Slytherin_ reason to make Tracey say the words herself?

"Have we had sex?" Tracey offered, now clearly amused. Oh yes, now Hermione was certain Pansy was embarrassed by the question. But why? This might turn out interesting.

"WELL?" Pansy demanded, annoyed.

Tracey chuckled. "Yeah, twice. Why?"

Pansy mumbled something that Hermione couldn't quite catch.

"What?" Neither could Tracey, evidently.

"I was just wondering… is he… was… was it… any good?" Pansy stuttered out. Hermione could hear the embarrassment in her voice. She felt a little guilty at how much she was enjoying this. But why was Pansy so embarrassed? Or rather, why was she asking?

Obviously, Tracey was enjoying this as well, for she let out a good laugh. But after a few moments, she seemed to calm down a little.

"Define 'good'!" she replied, some humor still in her voice.

"Arrgh!" Pansy cried in frustration. "YOU define 'good!' You're the one spreading her legs for him!"

"Oi! Watch it!" Tracey admonished, her tone a little sharper than just friends merely teasing each other. "Is he good? No, not really. He's a fourteen-year-old boy who's never done it before. What do you expect? What he has in eagerness he makes up for with a lack of skill and… staying power. I was lucky to get him out of his trousers before the show was over!"

"Doesn't sound very good," Pansy noted ominously.

"Well, honestly, no, that part's not," Tracey admitted.

"What do you mean, 'that part?'"

"Well…" Tracey mused, starting to sound a little more interested in the conversation now. "Let's just say that what he lacks in skill and control, he makes up for in determination. He… uh, well, he knows his failures and limitations. He just tries to compensate for it… in… other… ways?"

Tracey seemed to be on a roll telling her tale, so when her voice trailed off, Hermione could tell from her tone that it was more in confusion rather than dramatic effect. For a moment Hermione was worried they might have realized she was there.

"What?" Tracey asked Pansy in confusion. "What?! What're you—?"

_FFFAAARRRRRRRTT!_

Pansy started laughing hard. "That's what!" she wheezed between guffaws.

"Oh! MORGANA'S TITS! That is just WRONG!" Tracey howled.

Hermione was not a fan of toilet humor. Ron loved it. Harry laughed when he heard it, but as far as she knew he never used it. At least not within her presence, which she supposed was good enough. She just felt it was gross and immature.

That is, of course, except when it involved Pansy Parkinson… and when she didn't know Hermione had heard. THEN it was absolutely hilarious. She had to clench her eyes shut and focus every ounce of strength she had to keep from laughing out loud.

"For the love of Salazar! Do you need to go check your pants?" Tracey asked, disgusted. "That sounded like you had an accident!"

Hermione had to stuff her fist into her mouth and bite down hard on the side of her hand to keep from laughing out loud. Tracey hadn't specifically mentioned any smell yet, and from the sounds of their voices, they were probably far enough away from her that she didn't have to worry about _that_. Yet.

"No, no, I'm okay…" Pansy said as her laughter died down. "So, back to Minute-Man Blaise!"

"That was just _wrong!_" Tracey repeated, irritated. "Anyway… Blaise… well, he gets embarrassed when he loses it so fast, so instead, we just do stuff that he can last a bit longer. Which is fine by me since I've certainly enjoyed it more."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's just say he knows that if he wants me to use my mouth on him, he's got to do the same thing!"

"Seriously?! He actually does that?"

"Of course he does. I don't give him a choice!" Tracey laughed. "He's got to give as good as he gets if he wants anything more than his own hand."

"Wow, Draco would never do that."

"Yeah, no surprise there! So, what _has_ he done? _Anything_?"

"We tried it once."

"Annnnnnnd?"

Pansy said nothing but Hermione imagined she could see the demanding look on Tracey's face for her to continue. And in all honestly, Hermione was eager to hear as well. Not that she was enjoying any of this in a prurient way. Rather this was an invaluable opportunity for some inside information about the interpersonal relationships within the Slytherin house. One never knew when any detail might become important.

"It was a disaster!" Pansy complained. "Draco and I are supposed to betrothed after N.E.W.T.s, you know that, right? You know how he really started growing a lot taller after second year? Well, I hope he's got another growth spurt coming soon because, _Merlin,_ he's hung like a unicorn!"

"No! You're joking!" Tracey gasped in horrified shock. Hermione was glad she hadn't stopped biting her hand otherwise she might have gasped too. Ordinarily, any male, Muggle or wizard, would be quite proud to have his endowment compared to any of the equine family: horses, Hippogriffs, Centaurs, etc.

But the male unicorn was the one notable exception. Amongst the magical world, they were notoriously known for having extremely small genitalia, relative to the rest of their equestrian cousins. Muggles may have used the word "unicorn" as an adjective to imply the most impressive specimen possible. But the wizarding world knew nothing, _and cared nothing_, of Muggle ignorance about the facts of life when it came to the anatomy of one of the most elusive of all magical species.

That might have helped explain why unicorn populations were so sparse: mating was a very laborious and uncomfortable process. A half-hour coupling usually consisted of twenty-nine-and-a-half minutes of the stallion trying to find a position that worked.

That might have _also_ helped explain why unicorn mares were so hostile towards males of _any_ species… simply out of principle.

"Oh, Pansy, I'm so sorry! Maybe he'll grow into it?"

"Merlin's balls, I hope so, but I'm worried. You know he's grown six inches in the last two years? Well, not a single one of those inches was in his pants! If this is what I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking forward to then I might just have to try your mouth idea."

"Oh, it isn't that bad," Tracey said consolingly. "Here's a tip. After he understands that there's definitely a _quid pro quo_ required, if he's still nervous about it just teach him your monthlies cleansing spell. That way he knows there's nothing to be afraid of down there. That really was the only thing Blaise was afraid of at first.

"He actually gets excited by it now, using that spell on me. It's like training a dog with a bell! He knows that when he uses that spell, after he finishes on me I'll return the favor," Tracey said with a laugh.

"Oh, and make sure he uses it on himself too! The cleansing spell works just fine on guys too."

Hermione listened as Tracey laughed for a few seconds while Pansy was still silent, presumably considering what her friend was saying.

"Look, unless your father or his father is pointing a wand at your head making you submit to him, YOU need to take control of the situation! You let him know that if he wants to have his jollies, he better damn well make sure you do too."

"Worst case scenario," Tracey continued, "just find yourself your own boy-toy on the side. You know Draco's sense of self-importance is going to make him find some slag on the side sooner or later, no matter what you do. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to get his father to pay for it! So why shouldn't you enjoy yourself too?"

Hermione found it very interesting that Pansy didn't dispute anything that Tracey said, in regards to herself or Draco.

Tracey then snorted abruptly as though something suddenly popped into her mind, then giggled at that idea. "What about Potter?"

"What about Potter?!" Pansy demanded.

_YES! What about Potter?!_ Hermione also demanded, all feelings of _schadenfreude_ burning away instantly at hearing Harry's name being dragged into this conversation. She had no idea how this related to anything they were talking about, but she was not happy one bit. She had to remind herself she couldn't let them know she was there, otherwise she would have burst out of that stall, wand blazing.

"Weeeellll," Tracey drawled dramatically, "you didn't hear this from _me_, but I heard from one of our backup Chasers who said she heard from a Ravenclaw Seeker who heard from a Hufflepuff Beater who heard from a Gryffindor Chaser who supposedly accidentally saw Potter in the locker room last year after the last game of the season when they beat us and won the cup."

Even Hermione's head spun a little trying to follow the chain of custody for that piece of gossip.

"Story is that when they were all celebrating in the locker room, one of the Weasley twins tried some towel-whipping spell they'd invented, but apparently it went wrong and instead it vanished all of the towels in the room. Apparently, Potter was just coming out of the shower at that moment."

Pansy snorted derisively. "So what!"

"Turns out Draco isn't the only one who really hit a growth spurt recently," Tracey giggled. "Except _his_ is where it counts! Supposedly, Potter's packing! I guess it's kinda the Quidditch girls' secret gossip they keep to themselves… mostly." She then laughed. "Wouldn't Draco just love _that!_ If he can't satisfy you, just ask the Gryffindor Golden Boy to do the honors!"

"UGH! Don't even make jokes like that!" Pansy replied in disgust. "I'd rather spend the rest of my life using my own wand than touch that blood-traitor! Even if Potter is hung like a Centaur, you know his pet Mudblood is spreading her legs for him. I wouldn't let her taint on him anywhere near me! Just watch her get knocked up and see how much she likes his wand then!"

"Oh, shit!" Pansy swore suddenly. "Class starts in five minutes. I really need to take a crap but old bitch McGonagall will give us detention if we're late again! Come on, let's get out of here, I'll just have to hold it in until after."

Pansy and Tracey then ran out, the door banging again as they flung it open in a rush. Still crouched on top of the toilet, Hermione then closed her eyes for a few seconds as she willed herself to calm down. About a dozen different things were racing through her mind right now. Tied for first was her realization that there indeed was just five minutes left before class.

She remained crouched there for another fifteen seconds just to make sure the two Slytherin girls weren't coming back. Once confident it was safe, she finally opened her eyes. In doing so she suddenly realized she was still biting the side of her hand. Carefully she opened her jaw just in case she had hurt herself.

Looking at her hand there were very deep bite marks impressed into the delicate flesh. Only now that "the danger had passed" and she was now starting to think about it did it start to hurt. Thankfully at least, she wasn't bleeding. She supposed it was good luck that Madam Pomfrey had just recently shrunk her teeth down to a normal size after Malfoy had hexed her.

_Unicorn Malfoy,_ Hermione thought with a little more pleasure and vindictiveness than she usually possessed. Knowing she was short on time she quickly climbed down off the toilet, grabbed her bookbag, unlocked her door, and rushed to the sink to wash her hands.

She cringed suddenly as she realized she hadn't washed yet before biting her hand, but forced herself to rationalize the situation away considering she was very careful with personal hygiene when using the toilet anyway, and the risk of being caught by Pansy far outweighed any other concern at that moment.

As she ran out the door to head to her Arithmancy class, she saw that the teeth marks were already starting to bruise. She'd have to go see Madame Pomfrey if she couldn't find some murtlap essence somewhere. She really didn't want to have to explain a bite wound to Harry, even if it was her own.

She would have loved to tell him about this just to give him a greatly-needed laugh. She knew though that he was just under too much stress right now. The risk that he'd accidentally or intentionally use it against Malfoy was just too great. Maybe though she could tell Harry everything she'd heard later.

_Harry._

_Everything she'd heard!_

Hermione nearly tripped over her own two feet as she hurried down the corridor toward her classroom. Her heart began to race and a blush began to form on her face.

Hermione knew she fancied Harry, possibly even loved him.

Looking back over the past four years, if she was honest with herself, she knew she had developed a minor crush on Harry after he saved her from the troll in first year. But that was a minor, harmless affection based solely upon the trauma of that fateful Halloween night. (Yes, Ron was there too, but seeing as how he was the reason she was there in the first place, that definitely killed any affection for him.)

She had only known Harry for two months at that point and too much of that time was marred by her self-admitted tendency to be an insufferable know-it-all. She wasn't _trying_ to be obnoxious or put others down, she was just desperate to try to make new friends. If only they could see how smart she was, maybe they'd like her too.

So yeah, Harry saved her from the troll and she had a crush on him. She herself knew it didn't mean anything more significant than that back then.

But then as the months and years went by, that affection slowly grew naturally as the three of them spent more and more time together. And by "three of them" she meant "herself and Harry, plus Ron." Because even though Ron was usually present too, his personality just grated on her nerves too much for her to consider their friendship equal in strength. She intended no offense to Ron by that, it was simply a fact relative to how her feelings for Harry grew compared to Ron.

But it was finally the end of third year that everything changed. Both of them knew that their intense adventure with the Time Turner, the two of them alone, had greatly strengthened their friendship—saving Buckbeak, rescuing Sirius, and facing not only dementors but also their werewolf professor. Especially since all of it happened _after _the Firebolt issue had been resolved. But for her, more than just friendship, it made her realize her feelings had grown far beyond some silly schoolgirl crush.

Flying on the back of Buckbeak with her arms wrapped around Harry - that was the moment she knew.

But throughout all of it, her romantic feelings for her best friend had grown slowly, innocently. It honestly, truly was not until today and the discussion about Harry she'd overheard that she had ever thought about him in a sexual manner. She had simply grown up with him too long, been through too much adventure and danger, for… _sex…_ to be the first thing to pop into her mind when thinking of her best friend.

But now that Tracey had said those words, Hermione could never un-hear them. That new Pandora's Box of friendship complications was thrown wide open.

_Harry._ Oh, she'd imagined and dreamt of holding his hand, hugging him, kissing him, and even cuddling with him on the common room sofa in front of the fire many, many times over the years.

But those were the innocent dreams of a little girl. Now, her thoughts were becoming those of a young woman.

What would it be like to _be_ with him? Like _that_? To do… _things_ with him?

What _did_ he look like under his robes? Was that rumor about him true? She understood it perfectly in the academic sense. But what did it truly mean for her? Was he… _gifted_ like that? When she thought about that question, she certainly hoped so!

That thought made her blush. She didn't mean it like _that!_ Rather, with all of the misery and misfortune in his life, she certainly hoped fate might be a little kind to him and at least give him some pride and self-confidence in at least one aspect of his personal life.

Walking into the Arithmancy classroom with only a minute to spare, Hermione took a seat in one of the back rows. Ordinarily, she preferred to sit in the front, but then again, she was also usually one of the first to arrive to class to stake out her preferred seat. As Arithmancy was an elective, only those students who actually wanted to be in the class were, so the front rows always filled first.

But today she was glad to be in the back. Her hand now ached from her self-inflicted injury, and her face felt hot and flushed. But this time it was as much from all of the new, exciting thoughts racing through her mind as it was from running to class.

She knew that the rest of the day was going to be very long, and very hard.

Hermione groaned at her unintentional double entendre.

**_... BACK IN THE HALL BY THE PREFECTS' BATH ..._**

Still hiding behind the statue of Boris the Bewildered, Hermione's mind returned to the present as she checked the time again. There was only about a minute left before her twelve-minute delay had elapsed. Her heart began to race. If everything Luna said to her was true, her life was going to change greatly in the next few minutes. Literally everything she'd dreamt of could be coming true tonight.

But what if Luna was lying?

_NO!_ Hermione yelled at herself in her mind. She refused to believe that of Luna. No matter what Hermione felt about Luna's belief in imaginary creatures, she refused to believe that her Ravenclaw friend would deceive her like this. Even if this entire ridiculous story about the trouser snake was _imaginary_ too, she would not accept that this was some cruel prank by Luna.

Hermione took a deep breath to calm herself. She could not, and would not, blame Luna for whatever happened next. Because no matter what Luna had told her, it was Hermione's decision—and hers alone—to act upon it. She was going to take her own fate into her own hands.

_And hopefully, take something else into my hands too!_ Hermione said to herself as encouragement as she canceled her Disillusionment and headed to the bathroom door.

She was about to use the standard password to open the door when she remembered that if she did so while the bath was already in use, it would signal the occupant inside that someone else wished to enter, allowing that person to either refuse entry or accept and activate the privacy charms.

The Prefects' Bath was actually designed early in the life of Hogwarts as the main bath for the castle back when the Roman era was a much more recent influence. Communal bathing was more common back then and there were fewer dormitories for fewer students, and thus fewer individual bathrooms around the castle.

While many older witches and wizards (still stuck in the Victorian Era) might be offended by such notions, one needed only to look at the fact that there were multiple toilets in the bathroom to prove it had been designed for multiple occupants. Which of course was why the privacy charms in the bathroom existed: to allow teenagers to use the bath together without getting into _trouble_.

But if she did that, it would ruin her plans as it would give Harry a chance to deny what he was doing and worse, possibly ask her to come back later. So instead, she decided she would use the emergency password which would grant her immediate access without waiting for or alerting the occupants inside.

The emergency password was _intended_ to catch rule-breakers or amorous students who were using the bathroom without activating the privacy charms. It _certainly_ wasn't intended to enable the Head Girl to break a rule or two herself.

But, she told herself, this was truly for a noble cause. And having spent the previous six years strictly following every rule—except occasionally when it involved Harry—she felt the universe would forgive her for intentionally breaking a rule tonight… as it involved Harry.

She felt it was perhaps ironic (or just fate) that it was only because she was the Head Girl that she even knew about the emergency password in the first place. Under the guise of teaching them responsibility, the Head Boy and Head Girl were required to choose the initial passwords for all locked areas that prefects were expected to enter and patrol while on rounds. This ultimately ended up being everything except the professors' private offices.

All passwords could be changed later at any time by staff as needed of course, but it was the Heads' responsibility to make the initial choices. When the deputy headmistress visited Hermione at her home to proudly deliver the Head Girl badge in person, she explained with the weariness of repetition and the slightest hint of sarcasm that this task would somehow prepare them for greater responsibility later in life.

When Hermione moved into 12 Grimmauld Place a week before term started (along with Ron and Ginny), she immediately scheduled some "alone time" for her and Harry to work on their Head Boy and Girl pre-term duties together in private. The privacy was because they had private work to do, she redundantly assured the bored red-haired siblings, such as choosing the passwords.

The two youngest Weasleys remembered Percy's overbearing attitude and exaggerated feelings of authority when he was Head Boy, so they readily agreed to leave the two alone if it meant they'd be more friendly (and fun) later when they were "off the clock."

Passwords that needed to be chosen included, amongst others, the four house common room entrances and the Prefects' Bath. They had agreed to share the responsibilities between them so Harry chose the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff passwords; Hermione chose those for Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

However, because the Prefects' Bath was one of the few places routinely locked from the inside, plus due to the temptation that such a room occasionally posed—even to prefects—the second, emergency password was also needed to override the first and was known only to the Head Boy and Girl and to professors.

While it was tradition to choose a regular password that was related to cleaning, the emergency password was required to be completely unique and unrelated to the normal password. Harry had first chosen a regular password rather easily.

But when Hermione tried to think of an emergency password, as usual, she overthought the matter and quickly found herself stuck, unable to choose a word or phrase that she felt was _duly appropriate_ for the situation in either Latin or the common magical vernacular.

So, when she was about to go into one of her "I didn't study hard enough for this test" panic attacks, Harry calmly put his hands on her shoulders and told her to just forget the magical world completely and instead choose something Muggle. That would certainly be unique and definitely unrelated to any normal wizarding password.

_"Close your eyes,"_ Harry said in a soothing voice as they sat together on the sofa in the Grimmauld library, parchments scattered around them. _"You're back at home with your mum and dad. You're out shopping, or reading a book, or watching the telly… anything that is as non-magical as possible."_ Harry waited a few moments for her to relax; she nodded when ready. _"Don't think, just speak… Quick! Emergency password!"_

It was the first thing that popped into her head months ago. When she blurted it out, she thought it was funny in a nerdy, Muggle way, a side of her that Hermione rarely allowed anyone from the magical world to ever see.

Since Harry wasn't allowed to watch many movies at the Dursleys', he didn't understand the reference until she explained it to him. But when she said that her dad would have laughed his head off if he'd been there to hear her say those words out loud instead of being back at work in London, well, that was good enough for Harry.

When Professor McGonagall came to collect the list of new passwords the next day, the dubious glance she gave Hermione made it obvious when she saw the unusual choice. Hermione's favorite professor ultimately accepted it with Harry's hasty explanation that it was "a Muggle thing." She did suggest to her favorite student though that any future passwords should be limited to two or three words at most. Flustered, Hermione insisted that she could easily choose a new password if needed.

The professor however demurred, saying that with Harry and Hermione's signatures on the sheet, the choices were official and couldn't be changed without just cause. As Hermione looked down at her feet embarrassed, McGonagall cast Harry a weighted glance that made him suspect that the normally strait-laced professor was actually teasing the new Head Girl.

But before anyone could say anything further, the professor thanked the new Head Girl and Head Boy for their due diligence and reminded them to arrive a minimum of ninety minutes before the Hogwarts Express left King's Cross on September 1 to assist with getting the train ready for prefects and students to board.

After McGonagall left, Harry told Hermione about his suspicion that the professor had just pulled some kind of prank. To his surprise, she just laughed saying that in the end, if anyone ever did truly need to use the emergency password, her ominous choice would probably be warranted anyway.

And so now, months later, Hermione spoke those fateful words out loud in actual use; the words she had chosen in a split second as the ultimate (nerdy) Muggle emergency password… the words that would now let her into the bath without alerting Harry inside.

"Zero, Zero, Zero, Destruct, Zero."

Hermione held her breath. The quiet click of the door unlocking was the only indication that anything had happened. She shook her head in annoyance at herself. Had she actually expected the door to self-destruct?

Taking one final calming breath, Hermione slowly opened the door, trying to keep it from making any noise. She was glad that she had taken that breath because she could feel her lungs seize up when she saw Harry sitting on the steps at the edge of the pool, facing away from her. Although only the upper half of his chest was above water, it was clear that he was naked.

And although she could only see his head and back, she could also see his shoulders too, and enough motion was visible in his right shoulder to give her a pretty good idea of what he was doing.

Very gently she closed the door behind her and was reassured that the click of the lock as it reengaged was just as quiet inside as it was outside.

Turning back to look at her best friend who was very obviously naked, and very obviously oblivious to her less than fifteen feet away, she wondered how she was going to break the ice.

Suddenly, one of her favorite lines from one of her favorite movies popped into her mind and it actually brought a smile to her face and helped her relax… a little.

_I don't know, I'm making this up as I go._


	5. Hermione's Success

**_A/N: _**_Just a fun "behind the scenes" moment with me and my beta as we worked on the previous chapter. I told him that my first choice for the emergency password was going to be "Riker Omega Three." But then I decided Hermione would probably be more of a Picard fan than a Riker fan, so if she was going to think of one of their command codes, she would have chosen Picard's. However, I figured that would be a lot harder for something to just "pop into her mind" because Jean-Luc didn't constantly reuse the same command code as Will did. LOL. So I went with the more ominous self-destruct code from the Original Series and Star Trek III._

_Also, I borrowed and adapted a famous line from an iconic '80s sci-fi movie. Just a disclaimer that I'm not trying to pretend it's my own genius. Hehe._

* * *

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**HERMIONE'S SUCCESS**

_Prefects' Bath, 8:02 PM_

Very exhausted, and very content, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger sat in the water on the steps that led out of the bath, their nude bodies resting side by side.

"Now, aren't you glad I talked you into accepting the Head Boy badge so you could use the Prefects' Bath?" Hermione purred.

With Voldemort's threat still looming off in the distance, Harry was a little irritated last year with all the rigmarole Dumbledore had put him through via his lackadaisical way of teaching him about the Horcruxes and Tom Riddle's history. So, when the Head Boy badge arrived via owl in a somewhat detached and generic letter from the Headmaster, Harry was tempted to decline it simply in protest so he could just try to be a little more normal while he still could.

And he wondered if the Headmaster would detect the sarcasm in a letter if he explained he didn't think he would have enough time considering their "busy" schedule last year.

But he knew he ought to wait to hear what Hermione thought about it first. Honestly, he was wondering if she was Head Girl too, because who else would it be? Strangely, or perhaps not, the Headmaster hadn't mentioned it in his letter though. When he looked at it again, he suddenly realized that the letter was so generic it could have easily been a magical variety of a form letter, like so much of the junk mail that Vernon raged about.

So, when the Dursleys' phone rang about an hour after Harry's owl arrived and he heard his best friend's excited shrieks before he even put the receiver up to his ear, he knew it was good that he hadn't sent the school owl back immediately with a rejection.

Listening to her gush excitedly about all of the duties of being the Head Boy and Girl (because of course _Professor McGonagall_ had visited Hermione _personally_ and _she'd_ had the decency to tell her more about the positions, and that _Harry_ was Head Boy), the thought of them being able to spend more time together made him waver in his decision. Maybe if they spent more time together alone, he might finally figure out how to tell Hermione he fancied her, or find out what she thought of him. When she flat-out begged him to accept, well, he had no choice. Especially not after hearing _that_ particular tone in her voice for the first time.

"Mm-hmm," Harry agreed dumbly to Hermione's question about accepting the Head Boy badge. The male mind did not work very well while in a post-orgasmic fog. He didn't know whether complimenting a girl's sexual performance was a good idea or not. Then again, his mind wasn't working very well.

"You were absolutely amazing!" Harry gushed (well, only verbally, this time). "I've fantasized for over a year now about doing some of those things with you. Never thought you'd actually be willing to do that third one.

"But, WOW! I never even imagined some of those," he said, clearly in awe of the wildcat in his arms.

Hermione knew that there were times comments like that might be considered crude. But when she looked up into his face, she could see that his lust was completely satiated for the moment, so all that remained was genuine love and affection. As long as he was talking about her, and as long as those comments were said only _to_ her, then she didn't mind. In fact, she rather enjoyed hearing how he _truly_ felt. She chuckled.

"That's because you've never imagined using magic at the same time. Let's just say that I've been fantasizing about you doing all of those things a lot longer than you have."

Hermione leaned over and gave Harry a playful kiss on the nose.

"Speaking of longer…" she said as one of her hands drifted south. Her fingertips lightly fondled him under the water, not so much in an attempt to rouse him, but merely to express her affection. She was glad one of the hundred jeweled golden taps dispensed a potion to prevent skin from wrinkling due to prolonged periods underwater; her fingers might have been as wrinkled and rough as an old woolen jumper otherwise.

"You have two very impressive wands. Next time, let's use both at the same time… see what happens." Her tone of voice suggested she didn't know what would happen, but the look in her eyes said she had some very specific ideas about what she wanted to try.

Harry was keen to find out.

"But for now," she then added, her voice a little disappointed, "we should probably actually use the bath for its intended purpose. It's getting late and curfew is in less than an hour."

They had been lucky tonight. During the nearly two hours that they had been in the Prefects' Bath, no one else had stopped by to try to use it. It was just a minor perk of being Head Boy: all of the prefects knew Harry liked to use the bath after Quidditch practice, so no one else ever tried to use it at the same time. Except for Draco Malfoy on occasion, of course. He was on patrol in less than an hour however so he was probably doing his homework now, otherwise, he'd have to wait until after midnight.

Hermione leaned over and kissed Harry deeply for a few seconds, then pulled back and stared into his eyes. They were just ordinary—though strikingly green—irises, but within them, she could see that he would like nothing more than to just lie there for the rest of time, her within his arms.

But they both knew that could not happen. Draco and Pansy were on prefect rounds tonight once curfew started. Although the two Gryffindors were not afraid of the Slytherins, they both knew that if they were caught out of bounds like _this_, then the truly Slytherin thing to do would be to summon Professor McGonagall and let her deal with it.

That would not be fun.

So, the two of them reached for bars of soap and scrubbing sponges that conveniently appeared on the sides of the bath (because only now were they needed). Hermione suddenly stopped and thought of something. She turned around and handed hers—her favorite, flowery-smelling Muggle brand—to Harry.

"Wash me?" she asked tentatively. In some ways, this was even more intimate than what they'd already done.

Needless to say, Harry acquiesced.

For the next fifteen minutes or so, he diligently washed every part of her body, from the top of her head all the way down to the tips of her toes. They had moved off the steps and back into the pool, so it made it much easier for Hermione to stand on one foot as she raised her leg so Harry could wash (and momentarily tickle) her feet. They'd been in the bath almost the entire time so realistically the "washing" was more erotic massage than actual cleansing.

Throughout the entire process, he had caressed her entire body including all of her most sensitive parts, yet surprisingly she seemed to enjoy most as he washed and conditioned her hair. Although everything had been incredibly sexy and intimate, somehow this felt more erotic in her heart than further south; she didn't know how to describe it to herself better than that.

Hermione seemed extremely relaxed at this point, so Harry took the opportunity to tease her a little.

"I still can't believe you have see-thru knickers!" he whispered as he went through the motions of rinse and repeat.

"Mmm… they make me feel sexy, powerful in my own femininity," she said slowly with a thick voice, clearly lost in the sensations of his fingers massaging her scalp. "Plus, there was always the secret hope you might someday see me wearing them, whether on purpose or accidentally."

Hermione's thoughts drifted back to Luna's knickers that she had seen. Although she had several different colors, they were perfectly plain, ordinary knickers that could be found in any of the clothing stores in Muggle London or even Diagon Alley.

Though, as soon as she thought that, something… _off_ about that stuck in the back of her mind.

Harry chuckled, derailing her train of thought.

"Well, I'm glad you have them. They make _me_ feel sexy too!" he teased. And as if to prove that, his appreciation began to arise anew, poking her in that small little valley of her back, above her bum.

Harry was surprised at how erotic washing someone could be, even if there were no ulterior motives. He knew teenaged males were supposed to have extraordinary stamina, but he'd simply assumed his energetic opening act—and three encores—had exhausted even that. He was quite pleased that he'd found there was a little steam left in his cauldron. And doubly happy that Hermione had helped him find it.

"And I love the black stripes," Harry professed of her lacy underthings as he poured a cup of water to rinse her hair for the last time. "They remind me of prison bars. I'm not sure whether I want to break you out or lock myself in!" He made sure to gently pull her wet hair back and out of her face, silently letting her know she was done.

Now that he had let go of her, she leaned back slightly, causing _him_ to slide down her rear cleavage—just enough to tempt, but not enough to indicate they had time for anything more.

"Either way, I think we both win," she said. Harry could only nod. "Turn around."

Harry's "bath" was quite a bit faster, mostly because he had a lot less hair on his head, however unruly it was.

And because Hermione had avoided a certain part of him until the very last moment.

All this talk about Harry seeing Hermione in her knickers had re-railed her earlier train of thought about Luna's knickers. As she washed Harry's hair, she thought about how Harry had been peeking. But more than that, her mind drifted back to the fact that she herself had been looking up Luna's skirt as well.

Prior to today, Hermione would have never given the matter even a first thought. But having had sex with Harry four times in the last few hours (well, four times by his count, seven by hers) allowed her to see the matter perfectly clear now that she was fully embracing her sexuality.

She was sexually attracted to Luna as well.

Well, perhaps _that_ was a more definitive conclusion than she was ready to make just yet.

What she could say for certain was that the sight of Luna's pink or white or periwinkle knickers _interested_ her almost as much as the sight of the large lump that quickly formed inside of Harry's trousers when he stared for too long.

Was it the actual sight of them, or was it the naughty thrill of peeking? Did it matter which? Did any of it mean anything more _significant?_

And then suddenly she remembered: Luna _knew_ he was watching. Luna never seemed to do anything to encourage or discourage him from looking. She never sat in a way that was overtly provocative; rather she only ever sat in a position that might accidentally, occasionally, allow such a view _if _her skirt fell in just the right way and _if _someone was looking at the right moment.

But the blonde witch _did_ know he was looking.

Thinking back, there was one occasion when Hermione noticed that Harry was lost in Upskirtland. She never did say anything because she didn't want to embarrass either of them about it… especially since she knew she stole occasional peeks for herself.

But on the few occasions when she did catch Harry staring for a little too long, she would chance a glance at Luna to see if she knew what was happening. Ordinarily, Luna had her head down as she read and her blonde hair fell over her eyes hiding them from view. This made it impossible to tell where Luna was looking. But now that she thought about that day specifically, there was that one time when a sudden breeze fluttered Luna's hair just enough to reveal her eyes.

Hermione was shocked to see Luna staring right back at Harry, watching him intently. Of course, he was completely oblivious to any of this with his attention ensnared elsewhere, and Hermione quickly looked away from Luna back to her own book just to make sure that Luna didn't catch her peeking too.

Embarrassed by the thought that she herself might be caught peeking, Hermione tried to put that moment out of her mind. But here and now, she thought about it again. Luna had been looking directly at Harry so there was no way she could not have seen where his eyes were looking. Yet she never complained; she never put her legs down to stop the peeping. But neither did she widen her legs in a more lascivious manner to… _enhance_ the show as if she wanted him to look at her like that.

No, Luna always just sat there, acting as if she was unaware, acting as if it all was an innocent accident. She seemed to be allowing Harry to look, and he never even knew that she was doing it.

_THAT_ was what had stuck in the back of her mind earlier! It _couldn't_ have been an accident. Since the school uniform for girls under their robes consisted of a skirt instead of trousers, all girls were taught a simple spell in their first week to protect their modesty and keep boys from lifting robes or skirts with ordinary spells. It wouldn't protect them from more intense spells from an aggressive peeping tom, but it would certainly protect them from the effects of wind and gravity, even if they were on a broom or hanging upside down.

So, unless Luna forgot to use the charm, the only way her knickers would have been visible, regardless of how she sat, was if she hadn't cast the charm. She just didn't care if they saw them… or maybe she wanted them to?

_Periwinkle._

That was the other thing that had been niggling the back of her mind. Hermione's heart skipped a beat in shock… and a little tingle was felt elsewhere.

Luna had been showing off for her too! That was the only explanation for the periwinkle-colored knickers. As far as she knew, no one in the Muggle or wizarding worlds made them in that most uncommon color. And she had looked quite hard. Or rather, her mum had.

While Hermione considered herself somewhat of a perfectionist, her mum was borderline obsessive-compulsive. After having bought the "perfect" set of periwinkle dress robes for the Yule Ball back in fourth year, Mrs. Granger was quite disconcerted to discover they couldn't find any knickers or bras to match that exact color in either world.

Neither she nor Hermione expected that anyone else would ever see them. But that was not the point!

_"YOU'LL know they don't match!"_ her mum warned with all sincerity. Hermione knew better than to try to convince her mother that it didn't really matter all that much, so she promised she would do a color-changing spell once she returned to Hogwarts.

Which she did. Because, of course, her mum _was_ right.

If Luna had periwinkle knickers, then she must have transfigured them too. Why? To match the _one_ color that she, Hermione, would associate with herself?

The thought that Luna had been "accidentally-on-purpose" providing a peep show for both of them had been extremely exciting. But if it was intentional?

Time to feel Harry out… figuratively and literally.

Making as if to wash him underwater (not that it was really necessary with the sudsy bath water), Hermione finally took hold of the part of Harry she had saved for last. She gave him a few light strokes and then held onto him very gently, just to make sure she held his attention too.

Considering she'd walked in on him just as he was really starting to enjoy his private fantasy time, she saw no reason to not start there.

"What do you like to fantasize about, Harry?"

He wasn't expecting that question, considering they were supposed to be cleaning up and getting ready to leave. "Huh?"

"When you're alone. What do you like to—" a gentle squeeze "—fantasize about?"

Harry's eyes widened in surprise, but he was not deterred. He chuckled.

"Well, let's just say that most all of those fantasies came to life tonight. Merlin, did they ever come to life, and more!"

"Thank you, Harry," Hermione said quietly and gave him a quick kiss. Her hand gave him several additional thanks as well. Time to move in for the kill.

"And what about the others?" she asked. The confused look on his face told her he didn't understand what she meant, or where she was leading him.

"You know, the other fantasies, the ones that didn't come true tonight?" Her hand had stilled, but her index finger teased the tip of him.

Harry laughed nervously.

"Oh, well, we can't do everything in one night," he said, trying to sound like it was unimportant.

"Tell me," she replied cheerfully, two fingers wriggling now. "Let me know what I have to look forward to."

Harry hesitated. Hermione's hand stopped moving completely and her grasp lightened as she put on her best 'disappointed face.'

"What's the matter, Harry? Am I not in _those_ fantasizes?" she pouted. "I promise I won't be upset if that's the case. We only just got together tonight. I can't blame you for having thoughts about someone else prior to tonight."

Had he had fantasies about Cho years ago? If he had she wasn't sure if she wanted to know, at least not tonight. And she certainly wasn't going to ask about _her_. There was a different Ravenclaw she had in mind.

"No!" he said emphatically. "That's not it. I promise you're in _all_ of my fantasies."

She could see in his eyes he was being honest, but he was also holding something back. If he was hiding but not lying, then he was omitting. She smiled. It confirmed her theory, and gave hope to a new fantasy of her own, one that formed for the very first time tonight… if she was truly honest with herself.

"Is there someone else, Harry?" she asked coyly as she began to lightly tease him again. "Is there someone else in your fantasy, not instead of, but _in addition_ to me?"

Harry looked truly guilty, like a kid who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar trying to take two cookies instead of one.

"Is it Luna?" she asked, her grip upon him tightening from a gentle tease to what Harry considered 'proper wanking' strength. She was determined to milk the truth out of him as much as anything else.

Again, Harry looked surprised, this time that she knew who. Uncertain if he could speak (or should), he just nodded in guilt. Hermione kissed him, hard.

"I saw you looking up her skirt, Harry," Hermione said in a voice that was almost admonishing. "I watched as you waited for her to sit down. I watched as you waited for her to prop her knees up so that her skirt would leave a gap at the bottom that you could look up. I watched as you stared at her knickers and got hard. I watched as you tried to hide yourself, tried to tuck down the side of your leg your big, hard, hot…."

Hermione stopped then, seeing Harry's eyes were about ready to roll back into his head. One of the few things she hadn't done tonight was to stroke him all the way to completion by herself. Suffice it to say that she'd skipped that step upon jumping into the pool to join him. His flesh might have been trying to make a comeback, but after four rounds already, he'd probably be shooting blanks. This was far too exciting to waste like that.

However, perhaps something to entice him and hold him over until next time…

"And you know what, Harry?" The sudden stop of her hand and dirty talk captured his attention completely. She relaxed her grip on him completely though without releasing him and leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

"I was looking up her skirt too."

Harry groaned as he leaned into her. If his exhausted flesh had been struggling to rebound earlier, with Hermione's admission it went to one hundred percent in ten seconds flat. Even though her hand was still on him she was glad she'd stopped teasing him. Hearing that near-growl emanate from his throat probably would have made her finish him off if she hadn't been screaming at herself internally to resist that urge. But right now, she wanted to leave him excited.

"I was doing everything you were too, Harry. I was feeling everything you were."

"Please…" he croaked in need.

"Next time, Harry. We'll save it for tomorrow night."

"But…."

"I promise—" she paused for nearly a full second for dramatic effect as she let go of him completely "—I'll make it worth the wait," she finished, whispering into his ear again. And as if to seal the promise, she gently bit the bottom of his earlobe, pulling ever so slightly.

And just like that, somehow with that bite and tug on his ear, all of the lustful haze in Harry's mind cleared up as if it had blown out his still-tingling ear like some perverted Pepper-Up potion. Sure, there was still a renewed, relentless throbbing below his waist, but it was manageable now. The thought of what Hermione might do _tomorrow_ did nothing to lessen that problem, but it did give him the strength to endure it.

Seeing that Harry agreed, Hermione looked up at the clock to check the time again. She was surprised that even with the teasing and fondling, washing Harry had taken less than ten minutes. It was 8:25.

_Ah, to have short hair like that,_ she thought wistfully.

"Come on, let's get dressed."

As she climbed out, Hermione smiled to herself as she heard Harry whimper behind her. She knew the view he was getting as she climbed up the steps out of the bath. From Lavender and Parvati's gossip, she knew that some boys preferred breasts and some preferred bums. While Harry greatly appreciated every part of her, after tonight she now knew he was _definitely_ a bum aficionado.

In the last two hours, Harry had studied in amazement how differently Hermione's body could look. When she first took off her clothes and stood nude before him for the first time, her creamy skin had an almost angelic glow from the torch and candlelight of the bathroom. Later, after their third round, the sheen of sweat on her face above water gave her face an entirely different type of glow, one that should probably not be described as angelic.

But now, as she walked over to the towels, the myriad of flickering flames of candles all around the room caught on every single droplet of water on her body. Her entire body—every tempting flat surface, every delicious curve—positively sparkled.

"You are _so_ beautiful," Harry whispered. It was loud enough for her to hear, even though that hadn't been his intention.

After wrapping a fluffy, warm towel around herself, Hermione turned around and smiled, flattered.

"Thank you."

Harry blushed. It really had just popped out on its own… the words, that is.

"Your turn," Hermione said, holding out another towel toward him. Harry glanced down into the water hesitantly. After everything that had happened in the last two hours, why was he embarrassed now?

With a smirk on her lips, her eyebrows rose as if to say, _"I'm waiting."_

Harry made his way over to the steps and climbed out, his reinvigorated appreciation of Hermione—in any state of dress—proudly leading the way.

He blushed again. He thought that it was too bad he wasn't wearing a bathrobe; he could have said that just popped out on its own too.

"Thank you," Hermione said yet again. She smiled to herself. This was the third time she'd verbally thanked him for showing his desire for her. But this was all still so new and exciting for her. Back in fourth year, on their date, Viktor had said he liked her. She had been surprised by his invitation and had been curious enough to learn more about him, his school, and his culture to accept and be his date for the Yule Ball, especially since no one else had asked… at least not in desperation.

But when the night came, nothing about him had sparked any additional feelings within her beyond academic curiosity and friendship, even when he politely kissed her on the cheek. And she knew that before Ron had made an arse of himself, so at least she was certain his behavior hadn't affected her feelings about Viktor.

Of course, she'd hoped Harry might ask her, but deep down she knew back then that he just wasn't ready for anything like that. The poor boy was still hung up over Cho who was already dating Cedric. And as for Ron, well, she knew he didn't fancy her in the way he _thought_ he did, so there was never anything there for him either.

But tonight… with Harry tonight, it was like everything fell into place at exactly the right moment. At the risk of being cliché, _it was like magic_.

Knowing that they really did need to head back to Gryffindor tower soon, the Head Boy and Girl kept all further appreciation to themselves as they dressed. Though, knowing his feelings about them, Hermione could not resist wiggling her hips playfully as she slowly slid up her see-thru black-striped knickers, certain he was watching her every movement.

She took great pleasure in watching Harry as he struggled to stuff his lingering tumescence back into his trousers, something he did not mind considering she seemed to be making a show of those knickers for him by putting on every other piece of clothing first, including socks and shoes, and saving the skirt for last.

As they dressed, Hermione explained to Harry her suspicions about Luna… about how she knew they were both peeking. Harry commented on how he had noticed that Luna was slowly becoming more and more "innocently" affectionate with both of them, but with Hermione especially. He also admitted this was what inspired his threesome fantasies, to which Hermione admitted she would be lying if she said it wasn't starting to excite her a little too, as much to her own surprise as it was to his.

While Hermione used a drying charm on both his and her own hair so they wouldn't have to explain to anyone why they _both_ were coming back to the common room with wet hair, Harry glanced up at the clock just to be safe there was still enough time left before curfew. It was 8:35.

Having not even broken his train of thought, really more as a joke, Harry wondered aloud if Luna fancied both of them.

Hermione let out a sudden gasp of realization. She explained how she now suspected that the whole Trouser Snake story was just an elaborate scheme to get the two of them together—not that she was terribly upset by that—as well as just a cheap trick to get a peek at Harry's manhood. Oddly, she was not terribly upset by that either, as long as it was Luna.

"But if Luna does fancy _both_ of us…" Harry began.

He glanced at the clock again. It was 8:37. They needed to get going. Ordinarily, it would take no more than ten minutes to get back to the Gryffindor common room, but it could easily take double if a staircase moved in precisely the wrong direction or if they ran into Peeves.

"Well, perhaps that is a discussion we can save for _tomorrow_," Harry said as he went over to grab both of their book bags, thinking about Hermione's promise to continue all of this later.

"Why would she go to all of this effort to get the two of us together first?" Hermione continued his previous muse as he joined her walking toward the door. "It's like she _wants_ us to get together first. Before…?"

_BANG!_

The door to the Prefects' Bath flew open under the force of a highly overcharged _Alohomora_ spell. Someone must have wanted in, really, _really_ badly. About an hour later Hermione would start to wonder how that could have been possible since that door absolutely would never open without the correct password. She knew for certain that even if the person did know the regular password, they hadn't used it as there had been no chime to announce their presence requesting entrance.

Into the room came running Luna Lovegood, her blonde hair fluttering behind her as if being carried on a breeze.

"I have come here to make love and chew bubblegum!"

She had started speaking the moment she ran into the room, her gaze and voice directed toward the now-empty pool. Her voice died off when she saw the pool empty and the two Gryffindors standing directly in front of her, ready to leave. For probably the first time either Harry or Hermione could remember, Luna looked truly surprised. Clearly, she was not expecting them to be standing there right in front of her.

Visibly faltering for a moment, uncertain what to do, Luna then looked down at her robes as her face turned pink in embarrassment. In a bit of a daze, she started to pat the pockets of her robes as if looking for something.

"And I'm all out of bubblegum."


	6. Luna's Success?

_**A/N: **Did Luna just quote _**They Live**_? Did Hermione notice? Find out here. Haha!_

_A reviewer asked if I would write the missing smut that happens between chapters 4-5. Believe me, if I felt like I had the skills to write good smut I would! LOL! IMO the only thing worse than no smut is bad smut. Maybe someday if I feel confident enough to do it WELL I may do so, but for now, I'll just leave it to your imagination or to other people who are much better at that sort of thing. _

* * *

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER SIX**

**LUNA'S SUCCESS?**

The sight of Luna Lovegood looking so discombobulated was such a rare occurrence that it took Harry and Hermione a second to regain their wits from her unique entrance.

"_Well hello there, Luna,_" Hermione said in a voice that was nearly sing-song. "Glad to see you again tonight." She glanced at Harry and from the look in his eyes, she knew that he suspected Luna's arrival here tonight was not at all coincidence, considering the conversation they'd just had seconds earlier.

"8:37," Luna said in a daze, clearly confused. "My watch, I _saw_ it, it said…"

"It's funny, we were _just_ talking about you not a moment before you came barging in!"

"R-Really?" Luna asked, uncertain. Harry and Hermione both nodded. "W- What were you saying?"

"Oh, I was just telling Harry how I was starting to suspect that your entire story about the Trouser Snake was just a cheap trick for you to perv on _my _boyfriend!"

Luna's eyes widened and she gasped in shock, whether it was in response to the accusation or Hermione's statement that Harry was now her boyfriend. For a moment she just looked down at her feet and closed her eyes not certain what to say. Harry looked over at Hermione and saw her wink at him. Fortunately, it was very quick as Luna suddenly looked back up and found her voice again.

"NO! Absolutely not! I would _never_ do that! I mean, not _like that_… I- I didn't do it for me, I did it for you!" Luna pleaded as Hermione started to walk around her in a circle like a lioness circling her prey. "I did it for _both_ of you!"

For the first time they could remember in years, Luna's voice trembled. Harry caught Hermione's attention behind the blonde and gave her a firm look. He knew Hermione's intent truly to just have some fun with Luna but obviously she was taking this more seriously than they had intended. Hermione gave Harry a tiny nod in understanding and she came back around front to stand next to Harry in front of Luna.

Hermione looked into Luna's eyes and saw they were starting to shimmer, though tears hadn't formed yet. Luna looked back down to her feet again and was talking to herself.

"It doesn't… I _saw _it… 8:37… I don't…"

Hermione knew that Luna might start crying soon if she didn't regain control of the situation. That was exactly the wrong thing that was supposed to happen here tonight. She had teased Luna with the intent to make play this out to what she assumed was Luna's desired outcome, but obviously Luna's confusion upon finding them clothed and ready to leave had caught the Ravenclaw off balance.

Fortunately, Hermione had an idea on how to kill two birds with one stone: prevent Luna from breaking down and also getting the answers to the questions they had been asking just before Luna broke into the bathroom.

"Luna," Hermione said gently. "You said you did this for both of us." Luna nodded hesitantly as she looked back up at them. "Did you do it for _me and Harry_, or did you do this _for me _and _for Harry_?"

Both Harry and Hermione relaxed as they saw a slight blush blossom across Luna's cheeks. The glistening in her eyes started to fade away as she realized the emphasis Hermione had placed on her words.

"Um, yes? To both?" Luna replied meekly, uncertain of _anything_ at the moment.

The two Gryffindors looked at each other and smiled. Hermione then turned back to Luna and walked up to her and put her hands on Luna's shoulders in a very reassuring and friendly way.

"Thank you!" Hermione said in excitement and gave Luna a great big hug, something that Harry affectionately called a Hermi-Hug. After a few moments, Hermione broke the hug and stepped back, still with her hands on Luna's shoulders. She then turned her head and looked back at Harry with an odd smile on her face. She then raised an eyebrow at him for a moment that silently said, '_Watch this!'_

But before he could wonder what, Hermione quickly turned back and in a single motion, stepped forward and moved her hands from Luna's shoulders onto the sides of her face and kissed her directly on the lips, _hard_.

Harry's eyes widened in shock and he wasn't sure who was more surprised, himself or Luna. But after a few seconds, Harry remembered their previous discussion so he quickly decided that it was definitely Luna who was having the bigger shock at the moment… though he knew his trousers were beginning to experience some stress right now too.

After about five seconds Luna finally seemed to relax and lose herself in the kiss. Hermione felt the change so she broke the kiss to not let Luna get too swept away. She stepped back but still held her hands on Luna's face. Harry could now see the look of complete wonderment on Luna's face, her eyes still closed.

"Luna," Hermione repeated.

"Mm-hmm," Luna replied dreamily.

_"Thank you,"_ Hermione said again, tenderly. While Luna just stood there looking almost as if she was floating, Hermione turned her head back to Harry again and gave him an encouraging smile and nod. Without her saying a word he knew what she meant.

Hermione stepped back and then Harry stepped forward.

"Luna," he said. Her eyes fluttered open and her attention returned at hearing his voice in front of her now. Silver looked into emerald.

_"Thank you,"_ he said trying to replicate the same tone of affection that Hermione had used just a moment ago. He then put his hands on her face, and he smiled as he saw her eyes widen in surprise again before he then stepped forward to kiss her as well. Though while Hermione's kiss was fierce and passionate more for shock value, Harry's was more tender and sensual since he wanted to reassure Luna that _this_ was actually happening.

Luna wasn't quite as surprised the second time so she was able to return the kiss a little more quickly this time, and after a few seconds, Harry broke the kiss and stepped back.

Hermione came up next to Harry and entwined her arm in his and the two of them watched in amusement as Luna stood there in front of them swaying slightly in bliss, her arms wrapped around herself in a gentle hug.

"Well," Hermione said in an overly dramatic voice, "it's 8:40 now and curfew is in twenty minutes. Harry and I need to head back to the Gryffindor common room. Draco and Pansy are on rounds tonight and we really don't want to ruin our otherwise wonderful evening running into them."

"Hmm? Oh, yes, of course," Luna said dreamily, or rather, _more_ dreamily relative to her normally dreamy tone.

"Good night, Luna," Harry said cheerfully as the two of them headed for the door.

"Wait! What?" Luna said in surprise as she snapped out of her reverie. "You're leaving? I just got here! I thought…"

"Yes, yes," Hermione said in a dismissive tone that Harry knew was being playful. "Chew bubblegum and kick ass. Honestly, Luna, have you been watching Muggle science fiction or did you mean that seriously?"

"What?" The genuine look of confusion on the Ravenclaw's face answered that question by itself.

"Yeah, I should have known better," Hermione said with a laugh. Seeing the confused look on Harry's face too, she shook her head almost imperceptibly at him, just enough to let him know she'd explain it later.

"Anyway," she continued, "we really do need to get going. We'll see you at breakfast tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Luna asked looking disappointed. "But what about tonight? I thought I was supposed to come here at 8:37!"

"You did come here at 8:37!" Harry replied with a laugh. "Just about broke down the door too, I might add!"

Whether or not Luna knew it, Hermione had actually been paying very close attention to every single word Luna said since her unexpected arrival into the Prefects' Bath. What exactly Luna had expected to discover upon breaking and entering Hermione did not know, but it was obvious that she seemed to know exactly what moment she was supposed to arrive.

Thinking back to her discussion with Harry, she knew it was the right moment. If it had been any later, they would have already left to go back to the Gryffindor common room. If it had been any earlier, they wouldn't have discussed the situation enough yet to suspect Luna's true intention for her actions, and thus perhaps might not have been ready yet to be open to that possibility.

But just because everything was going to change now about the relationship between the three of them, it didn't change the fact that there were now only eighteen minutes left before curfew.

And besides, even though Hermione knew Luna's intentions had been… well, _honorable_, her methods and her expectation to just jump right into the metaphorical deep end of a _ménage a pool _might have been just a little too presumptuous_._ She felt that the mischievous partial-Seer didn't deserve to be let off the hook quite that easily.

And, this really did need to be reiterated – they literally didn't have the time to do anything more tonight.

"I'm sorry, Luna," Hermione said with a sincerity that only Harry could recognize was fake, "if only you had been here about an hour earlier!" She then cast a glance at Harry who then knew to keep the ball rolling.

"But, you know, Hermione," he said as if he just realized something, "tomorrow is Saturday and although it's a Hogsmeade weekend, I might have to skip it and come back here to take another relaxing bath again while everyone is down in the village. After today's… _practice_… I'm sure parts of me will be really stiff tomorrow. I _certainly hope_ no one interrupts me in the bath tomorrow afternoon, say around two o'clock."

Hermione saw the dawning look of understanding appear on Luna's face, replacing the previous disappointment. She went over and stood next to a still temporarily frozen Luna, then turned to face Harry while putting her arm around Luna's waist with her head next to Luna's as they both looked at him.

"Oh yes, Harry," she replied silkily, "it would be absolutely… _maddening_… if you were interrupted again at," she then turned her head and in her best husky voice whispered into Luna's ear, "two o'clock."

Hermione smiled in triumph when she could feel Luna shudder slightly.

Then in the blink of an eye, Hermione returned back to her perfectly prim and proper self and stepped away grabbing Harry's hand, heading toward the door.

"Good night, Luna!" Hermione called back as she stepped out into the corridor. Luna finally regained her senses and turned around to watch them leave.

"We'll see you tomorrow," Harry said as he left too. Before Luna could move, he stuck his head back around the doorway. "At… _breakfast_…" he said with an over-exaggeration and then he disappeared as they walked away.

After a moment, Luna shook her head to try to regain her wits. She looked up at the clock and realized the time: it was 8:45 and she was going to be late getting back to her dormitory if she didn't hurry.

"Oh, bugger me!" she swore at herself as she started to head out the door.

"Only if you want him to!" came back Hermione's laughing voice from down the corridor as they headed back in the direction of the Gryffindor common room. Luna was so focused on the time and the possibility of being caught after curfew that it took her a few seconds for Hermione's words to register in her brain.

Luna giggled and then took off in a skip as she headed back towards Ravenclaw Tower. _Maybe I'll bring some rum and a lash and see if Hermione gets it_, she mused to herself on the way back to the tower. _No, she'd definitely recognize the Churchill quote, and there's no way I'm ready for THAT with a penis as large as Harry's!_

Right as Luna got back to Ravenclaw Tower with less than a minute to spare, something else popped into her mind.

_Oh, wait! Am I REALLY supposed to meet them for breakfast too?_


	7. The Morning After

_**A/N: Wow, OK, so FIVE days ago I said the final chapter was coming in 24 hours. Well, when I wrote that, that's what I intended. But then as I did the final, final, FINAL edit on the last chapter, one of my friends from a Harmony Discord server chatted me up and joked that Luna really needed to be punished for her presumptions about being able to just jump right in on them in the bath. And it made me pause and think. When I wrote this story over the past six weeks, it ended how I originally**__** envisioned it twelve years ago, which is right here**__**. But when I saw his joking comments, and when I look at how many people have liked and followed this story, and have either left reviews or PMs expressing their enjoyment of this story, it made me realize that, hey, I don't really want this to end either, at least not yet.**_

_**And then ideas popped into my head for several completely brand new scenes, ideas that were never part of my original notes from twelve years ago. And I knew I had to write them. So these next two chapters are DOUBLY brand new before we get to the final, short 'not-an-epilogue' at the end.**_

_**So, thanks to CenryHavil for inspiring all this extra new stuff. This is what you get when you leave nice reviews or funny jokes. It's all your fault! LOL **_

* * *

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**THE MORNING AFTER**

True to their parting words and despite Luna's confusion, the trio did meet together for breakfast the next morning. Because it was a Hogsmeade weekend, breakfast in the Great Hall was as busy on this Saturday morning as it was before classes during the school week. Everyone who was planning on going to the village wanted to get in a good breakfast before heading out later that morning.

Even Ron woke up early.

When Luna entered the Great Hall at their usual breakfast time, she was relieved to see Harry and Hermione sitting together at the Gryffindor table. She immediately headed over in their direction. By now, most of the Gryffindors knew that Luna was spending more time with Harry and Hermione when Ron was busy with Lavender (or still asleep), so the sight of the Ravenclaw occasionally sitting at their table with them was becoming more familiar.

When she sat down across from them, Luna took a moment to look at the pair. They were sitting next to each other like they almost always did, eating and talking. They were so engrossed in their conversation they hadn't noticed her yet. When she looked at them again and thought about last night, she noticed that they were sitting a little closer together than in the past.

She estimated they were only about an inch closer together than usual, something that was barely noticeable. It was something though that no one else would probably notice or realize unless they had been watching the two of them specifically. Which, of course, Luna had been doing all year.

But she suspected it was close enough now that their legs were pressed against each other as they sat on the bench. She looked down and noticed that Harry's fork was in his left hand—she knew he was right-handed. Indeed, his right hand, and Hermione's left, were down below the table. Luna smiled; she suspected they were, in fact, holding hands under the table.

Being well-practiced in observing Harry and Hermione, it took her less than a second to observe all of this so it was no surprise they hadn't noticed her yet. They had been talking as she approached them, but were currently paused as they took another bite of their breakfasts.

"Good morning!" Luna greeted them cheerfully.

The two Gryffindors looked up at their guest and smiled brightly.

"Good morning, Luna!" the two replied together.

"How are you this morning?" Hermione then added.

"Oh, doing well, I think," Luna replied. She paused for a moment, not really sure what she wanted to say out in public in front of other students.

"Just looking forward to having an enjoyable Saturday, I guess," she finally said, knowing that would sound innocent enough to the other students nearby, but knowing her words would have more meaning to the two in front of her.

She was hoping to see if there was any reaction from either of them. Unfortunately, just at that moment Ron and Lavender walked up to them and Ron clapped Harry on the shoulder in greeting, distracting the raven-haired wizard.

"Morning, Harry! Morning, Hermione!" Ron greeted his housemates as he and Lavender sat down on Harry's left. Luna noticed as Hermione subtly shifted on the bench slightly and restored the usual extra inch of space between then, and their pair's missing hands came back up and returned to the table.

Luna felt slightly disappointed as Harry asked Ron about his plans for the day while the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain loaded up his own mountainous breakfast plate while his blonde girlfriend loaded up a more reasonable plate for herself.

About to tuck in and start talking simultaneously, Ron paused for a moment and then set down his fork. If there was one thing that everyone in Gryffindor agreed upon, it was that Lavender becoming Ron's girlfriend was the best thing that had ever happened to mealtime—she had finally gotten him to stop eating and talking at the same time. No one knew whether it was through punishment or reward. No one cared.

Luna listened with rapidly declining interest as Ron explained that after breakfast, he hoped to get Harry together for a game of chess or some Exploding Snap. With the redhead spending larger amounts of his free time with Lavender, both he and Harry appreciated their games much more, now, than they had in the past when they were more a way to waste time than to enjoy time together.

Luna's attention was quickly regained, however, when Ron asked if Harry and Hermione wanted to walk down to the village with him and Lavender. Suddenly, Ron looked over and noticed Luna sitting there too.

"Oh! Morning, Luna! Didn't see you sitting there. You're welcome to join us too. Gotta keep the new Golden Quintet together, eh?" Ron teased the Ravenclaw. He knew that the five of them were becoming more of a pair and a trio, and he knew that all five of them seemed okay with this. But he still liked to call themselves the Golden Quintet when they were all together to help make everyone feel more included.

"Oh, uh, well, I wasn't sure if I had any plans today," Luna said, a little lost.

"Yes, that would be brilliant!" Hermione added excitedly, surprising Luna.

"Smashing!" Ron exclaimed when Harry nodded in agreement. "We can all head down as soon as Filch opens the gates, go check out Honeydukes…"

Luna tuned Ron out as he prattled on excitedly about his plans for today. Dejected, it felt as though a small weight in her stomach started to grow. She came in this morning hoping to find out where things stood between herself, Harry, and Hermione. Nothing had been said about the previous night's encounter in the Prefects' Bath. Then again, to be completely fair, there hadn't been a chance yet. She supposed they probably discussed it between themselves last night or before she arrived this morning, but that didn't really help inform her.

But when talk turned to Hogsmeade and when Harry and Hermione seemed to indicate that they wanted her to go with them to the village, her spirits began to sink. Perhaps she had misread their intentions last night. Or perhaps they had changed their minds? Luna stared glumly ahead, her eyes vacantly looking through the narrow space between Harry and Hermione across from her.

She only barely had enough time to notice Hermione elbow Harry slightly when she nearly jumped in her seat in shock. Something was under the table, pressing against her leg!

"Are you all right, Luna?" Hermione asked suddenly. Four sets of eyes turned to her. She was about to say that something had bumped against her under the table when she looked back at Hermione. Luna saw how intently the brunette was looking at her, with that exact same mischievous grin she wore last night in the library when said she was going up to meet Harry in the bath.

Before she could say anything, whatever was pressing against her leg now started to move up and down her leg. It was almost as if it was caressing her calf in a way that was very distracting, and _very_ pleasant! Luna's eyes widened in surprise slightly, to which Hermione replied with the slightest hint of a smirk, but which then disappeared instantly.

"You're okay there, Luna?" Hermione asked again pointedly.

"Oh, um, yes, just fine. Just a little chill," she replied. "It's a bit cold this morning, isn't it?" she asked rhetorically to try to cover herself.

"Yes, it is," Hermione replied, her voice a little heavier than usual.

"Well then!" Hermione then suddenly exclaimed, sounding perfectly like usual self again. "What were you saying, Ron, about the plan for today? For lunch?"

"Oh yes, _lunch_!" Ron exclaimed gleefully, resuming his discussion about what he wanted to do today. Luna tried to pay attention but his voice evaporated as all she could process was the feeling of what she assumed was Hermione's foot pressing against hers under the table. Amazingly, the Gryffindor witch's entire attention seemed to be fixed upon Ron and Lavender as they talked about today's trip.

Just as she was finally starting to understand what was happening, she felt something else press against her other leg! Considering where they were sitting it could only have been Harry. She glanced over at him to see his head looking in Ron's direction but his eyes flicked over to her for less than a second before looking back at Ron. It was only a brief moment but the way he looked directly into her eyes, she knew it was him.

A blush began to spread across her face. They were playing footsie with her! Was that what it was called? Oh, no one had ever done this with her! By now Ron had dug into his own breakfast as apparently the day's plans were now set. She cast glances at the group, but everyone now seemed to be intent on eating their breakfasts with a minimum of conversation.

As Harry and Hermione seemed to be deliberately ignoring her while they ate, at least _above_ the table, she decided she might as well serve herself some breakfast too, regardless of how this day went. Never in her most vivid imagination had she ever considered one day she might be trying to eat while her two best friends were playing footsie with her. Even if she had, she would have never believed how difficult it would be. She tried to focus and enjoy her toast and marmalade; all the while their feet moving against her own feet and up and down her legs was driving her to… _increased distraction_.

Breakfast became a whole lot more interesting when she remembered that part of playing footsie was that she was supposed to play too. When she joined in on the game too, although they did not look up at her, Luna did see smiles appear on their faces. She also noticed Hermione shift a little closer to Harry again, removing that one-inch gap that had separated them when Ron and Lavender arrived. Luna glanced over at that couple, however, their attention was now upon themselves as Lavender was now feeding Ron the last few pieces of bacon left on his plate.

About ten minutes later, the entire Golden Quintet was finished with breakfast and Ron was eager to head up back to the common room for a game of chess before they all got ready to go down to Hogsmeade.

"Luna, are you sure you're feeling okay?" Hermione's voice suddenly asked, startling the blonde witch. "Your face is a little flushed."

Luna felt Hermione's foot travel up the inside of her leg, higher than it had ever until now, up to just below her knee. Her breath caught in her throat.

"It is a bit red," Harry added, though his foot remained where it had been. Apparently, he wasn't aware of exactly what Hermione was doing. And the thoughts racing through her mind when Hermione's foot raised above her calf caused her blush to intensify even more.

"Yeah, you do look a bit peaky," Ron added.

"I hope you're not getting sick!" Lavender added in worry, scooting back a little.

"Why don't you head back to your room and rest for a bit," Hermione continued. Her foot then inched slightly higher, now just barely above her knee. "Save up your strength for _later today_." Hermione's foot then pulled away completely, and she must have pulled Harry's foot back too as his disappeared just as suddenly.

"Then, before we head down to Hogsmeade, I'll stop by the tower and see how you're feeling. If you're feeling better, we can head down and join the others. If not, I'll stay here and take you to Madam Pomfrey. Does that sound good to you, Harry?"

Luna saw Hermione press her arm against Harry's in a motion that was a lot less obvious that elbowing him in the side.

"Yeah, sounds good to me. Rest up, Luna, save your energy _for later,_" he said as he looked directly into her eyes.

Luna finally started to understand what was going on and just nodded in agreement. This was just one of many reasons why she was in love with both of them. Their ability to think on the fly, to work together, to communicate without words.

Why Hermione ended up in Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw, Luna still did not understand. She knew the _how_ though, for one day last year Hermione had told her about her own Sorting. But as to _why_, she knew it just had to be because of Harry somehow, even though she was sorted first.

"All right! With that settled, how about we head up and get a game of chess going!" Ron exclaimed with glee.

"Sounds good!" Harry replied. He then stood up very suddenly, causing the table in front of him to bang loudly, shaking the golden plates and goblets.

"Damn!" Harry swore as he leaned forward to clutch his knee.

"Wha'd'ya do, mate?" Ron asked in alarm.

"Oh, it's my leg. I think I strained a muscle or something on my broom last night during Quidditch practice," Harry explained looking at his best male friend. He then turned back and looked down and massaged his knee for a moment before casting a weighted glance up at Luna for a moment. "I was just _so stiff_ last night, even after soaking in the tub for a couple of hours. I guess I was a little stiff still this morning."

Luna shivered slightly at hearing the sound of those words coming out of his mouth, though fortunately Ron was distracted by something far more important.

"You're not going to miss our next game, are you?!"

"Nah, mate, I'm sure I'll be fine by then. Just need something to help deal with the stiff muscle."

If Luna hadn't been in such wonder at the display going on in front of her, she might have giggled at Harry's words. She did notice a slight twitch in Hermione's mouth though.

"Okay, if you're sure. But if you need to go see the nurse too, then maybe you should go do that too," Ron said encouragingly. "Can't have our star Seeker missing next week's game against Ravenclaw! Erm, no offense, Luna!"

"Oh, none taken, Ronald! I always enjoy watching your team play."

"Right then, so can you walk, mate?" Ron asked. "Still fancy a game of chess?"

"Absolutely! Let's go!"

"Wicked. Lav, you wanna join us for a game or go hang out with Parv for a while before we head down to the village?"

"You go have fun with Harry, Won-Won. I need to check in with Parvati anyway. She's trying to track down where Neville and Ginny's new secret snog spot is," Lavender teased, watching with amusement as Ron shook his head.

In years past Ron used to get riled up easily whenever someone gossiped about who Ginny might have been dating. However, once it became known she was now dating Neville, Ron seemed quite happy with it and the talk no longer bothered him. But as a game, Lavender always liked to try to tease him anyway. Which in all honestly, Ron enjoyed the game too.

Lavender knew exactly how to push his buttons _without_ making it personal or pushing him too far, so _that_ was what made it fun. And because he really did trust Neville. Lavender then gave Ron a quick kiss and then stood up and headed toward the door.

Luna watched as Harry stood up and stepped over the bench effortlessly to stand in the aisle between tables without even the slightest hint of discomfort. But when he was ready to head back to the common room with Ron and Hermione, only _then_ did a look of discomfort and a slight limp appear.

_I REALLY need to thank Draco Malfoy somehow, someday,_ Luna mused to herself. She was good enough friends with Harry by now that he had told her the story of his Sorting. If Draco hadn't made such a horrible first impression on him then Harry very well may have ended up in Slytherin. And with Harry in Slytherin, Hermione might have ended up in Ravenclaw. While in theory that might have been good for Luna, in actuality it probably would have meant the brunette would have only retreated into herself and her books even deeper.

Few knew it, but Ravenclaw was the house of the fewest and weakest friendships overall. This was something Hermione had slowly come to learn over the years when she repeatedly tried to make simple classroom friends with her fellow academically-inclined peers in her Arithmancy and Ancient Runes classes. She had actually formed a better academic comradery with Daphne Greengrass of Slytherin than with any of her Ravenclaw classmates.

The Eagles weren't mean or rude, they were simply aloof. Learning and knowledge were the most important things. Academic rivalries between housemates and classmates were fierce, though polite and congenial. The constant state of competition simply made it difficult, though not impossible, for purely personal relationships to flourish.

When Hermione finally understood this early in sixth year, after having already become good friends with Luna, that was when she shared with the Ravenclaw the full story of her own Sorting experience. The hat had told her she would do well in Ravenclaw. But then after several moments of pause and reflection, it cryptically added there were more important things in life than just books and cleverness, and then promptly put her in Gryffindor. Hermione said she never really understood that until later that year when Harry became _her_ best friend.

That was the first time Luna had ever hugged Hermione, knowing she was only the second person to have been told the true, full story. Luna had no romantic interest in anyone yet at this point, but perhaps that was when her heart was now open enough to consider the possibility at all, with anyone.

The three Gryffindors and one Ravenclaw headed back in the direction of their common rooms. When it came time for Luna to go her own way, Hermione paused and reminded Luna to get some rest and that she'd check on her before they left to go to Hogsmeade. She reminded her that if she was feeling better, they'd all go to the village together, but if not, Hermione would stay with Luna for the afternoon and keep her company.

Luna got the distinct impression this was all just a show for Ronald and a setup for later as he was listening to the conversation, but only just barely. Luna suddenly wondered how well Hermione would do in Slytherin if it wasn't for their excessive, though not universal, pureblooded bigotry.

Later that morning when it was time for all who were going to Hogsmeade to head to the castle doors, Hermione stopped by Ravenclaw Tower and "checked up" on her friend. She explained, in the presence of others who might overhear, that Harry strained something during the previous Quidditch practice so he was going to skip today's visit so as to not exacerbate things. She was going to stay behind with him so they could work on some of their Head Boy and Girl duties instead, and that Luna was welcome to spend some time with them later that afternoon if she wanted to.

Then in a lower, more natural voice as the room was mostly empty by now, Hermione said she'd come back and fetch Luna as soon as they were done with their actual duties and were ready to… _relax_. She said it would probably be around one o'clock.

"I don't think either of us can wait until two!" Hermione whispered, then quickly hurried out of Ravenclaw Tower. It was currently ten; even one o'clock, which was an hour earlier than they had discussed last night, was still three hours away. Well, there always was homework for the pre-N.E.W.T. Ravenclaw.


	8. Everythings Going To Change Now, Isnt It

_**A/N: Last big**__** chapter before we get to the final, short 'not-an-epilogue' at the end.**_

_**An anonymous user left a fairly detailed review that was critical of the pace and structure of chapter 4, which featured Hermione's flashback back into fourth year. Even though it was anonymous, it was well argued so I felt it worthy of a response. Since I can't reply directly to anonymous reviews, I'm posting it here.**_

_**Yes, I agree that a flashback can break up the pace and structure of a story, but unfortunately there just aren't many other ways to show in the present time what happened in the past. One of the most important rules of writing is "show, don't tell." And I felt it was far more important to SHOW than to TELL what happened. This is a short story about what is happening NOW, however, what happened in the past did have a profound impact on the present, namely Hermione's realization about her own sexual desires... that moment when she goes from an innocent girl with innocent thoughts and dreams to a young woman with more mature desires. Since I don't have the luxury to write a three-year story just to include a single earlier scene in chronological order, I have to employ a flashback.**_

_**Yes, it's true that the only action that happened in the present was her standing in front of the bathroom door, but during the flashback we learn fundamental details about the evolution of Hermione's relationship with Harry, going all the way back to first year. I did debate whether to make the flashback a completely separate chapter. However, TO ME it felt more natural to show it during the time that Hermione is waiting for Harry to arrive, the time where she can only stand there and think about how her life is about to change (again). **__**It was like that was the 'before' and the 'after,' and in the middle was the flashback that bridged the two. And that**__**, to me at least, made it feel better incorporated than if it was entirely detached from the flow by isolating it into its own chapter.**_

_**That's how I view this. I know everyone has their own opinions. Even if you didn't agree with mine, I thank you for your honesty and for writing a response that was well-argued enough that I could understand your point of view and even agree with parts of it while not agreeing with the rest. Thank you!**_

_**And now, on with the show! Reminder, Rated M for Mature.**_

* * *

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**EVERYTHING'S GOING TO CHANGE NOW, ISN'T IT?**

Just before one o'clock, Luna was engrossed in a particularly complicated Arithmantic proof showing exactly how the Patronus charm repelled dark magic when she was startled by the sound of someone knocking against the open door of her dormitory room. She looked up to see the Head Girl standing in the doorway, smiling.

"Harry and I completed our Head tasks for the rest of the month so we were wondering if you were… _free…_ for the afternoon?"

Luna knew she was only about two-thirds of the way through this proof and if she stopped now it would take her at least a half-hour to recalculate all of the math to resume where she'd left off. The "math" of magic, Arithmancy, was perfectly logical and consistent within itself. Because it was magic, however, it always changed from one moment to the next depending on the strength of the caster, their emotional state, the ambient magic in their location, even the day of the year.

The formulas always stayed the same, but all of the numbers changed. So, any calculation that was started at any given place or moment had to be carried out to completion without interruption. Otherwise, the math would change when the calculation resumed with new external magical variables.

So, when Hermione asked if Luna was free at that particular moment, there was, of course, only one correct answer.

"Absolutely!" Luna said without hesitation and dropped her quill immediately. "Let's go!" Hermione smiled brightly and held out her hand in invitation.

The walk downstairs and out of the tower was actually fairly quiet. Most of the dormitories were empty however the Ravenclaw common room was nearly completely full of first and second years who weren't allowed to go to Hogsmeade. As the two walked through the room to the exit, two first-year boys looked up in irritation at the distraction of their mere presence. They both quickly wilted, however, upon seeing the Head Girl staring down their premature glares.

"Brilliant, but scary" was an expression that had not remained exclusive to Gryffindor.

Once they left Ravenclaw Tower, the two witches relaxed slightly since they no longer had to literally tip-toe around a bunch of students, however, the walk was still quiet. Alone with Hermione, Luna was no longer sure what to say as the two of them walked toward where she assumed they were going. Although both the Ravenclaw common room and the Prefects' Bath were both on the fifth floor, they were in different sections of the castle, so they had to walk down three flights of stairs, cross a corridor, then head back up three flights of stairs. At the moment, Luna was content to allow Hermione to pull her along.

A few minutes later, Luna realized they were now on the fifth floor again and the butterflies really started to tingle in her tummy when she saw the bathroom door about twenty feet away.

"Harry went on ahead of me earlier, just to make sure the bath was empty. He's not outside so it must be empty and he must be inside," Hermione explained, probably as much to herself as to Luna. "Almost no one ever uses the bath during this time of day, but I just wanted to make sure it was empty, you know…

"We talked about going up to the Room of Requirement, this morning after breakfast actually, but everyone in the DA knows about it, and I know others know about the room too even if they don't know what it actually is, and I just didn't think it was a good idea because it's rarely empty anymore, and only because we're the Heads were Harry and I allowed to have the authority to schedule the room for actual DA meetings…"

Luna felt Hermione's grip on her hand tighten slightly and she realized that her friend was now just rambling nervously. She could understand that feeling completely. She put her other hand on the one Hermione had been holding the entire way down from Ravenclaw Tower and patted it in sympathy.

"It's all right, Hermione, I understand."

Finally, the two witches stood in front of the door to the Prefects' Bath, at which point Hermione finally let go of Luna's hand.

Now was the moment of truth.

Hermione walked up to the door and was about to knock on it. She paused for a moment, however, and then turned around and walked back.

"Luna, Harry and I talked about this last night. Before you arrived, and after we left. And then again this morning before breakfast. And then again after breakfast. I have to know… _You_ have to know…

"I love Harry. I do, I love him. And he loves me. Nothing will ever change that, no matter what else happens in our lives, I know we will always love each other. You… You've become a very good friend in the past few years, especially now that Ron is finding happiness on his own, able to shine under his own light.

"We value your friendship more than you can ever know. I, _we_, don't want to lose that. Nothing has to happen today. We can just call this off and go back to the way things were, and we'd both be okay with that. But if we do that, then that's how things will have to stay going forward. If we go in there, everything's going to change, Luna. For the better, I hope, but things _will_ change, _irrevocably_."

Hermione closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep, calming breath.

"So, I just have to ask. Are you sure you want to go in there with me? I need to know. Are you doing this for _only_ Harry? For _mostly_ Harry? Or for me too? For both of us, _equally_?"

Luna looked into Hermione's eyes and saw them shimmering… not in sadness or happiness, just pure raw, nervous emotion. She looked down for a moment. Her eyes were drawn to the Head Girl badge shimmering in the torchlight, which partially covered the small printed words above her left breast. Doctor who? Luna then looked a few inches lower and stared at the full swell of Hermione's breasts covered by her muggle jumper.

Now that she was able to do so openly, watching the gentle rise and fall of Hermione's clothed breasts as she breathed made Luna smile as the butterflies faded and a warm feeling began to grow in her belly.

"Are we alone out here, Hermione?" Luna asked serenely as she looked up again and into her friend's eyes.

Hermione looked around carefully and confirmed they were.

Luna then stepped forward, took both of Hermione's hands into her own, and then gently pressed her lips against Hermione's. She allowed the kiss to linger for several seconds but made no attempt to deepen it.

"Yes, I am here for you, Hermione. And for Harry. Equally. Let's go in."

Hermione smiled brilliantly and picked Luna up in a hug and swung her around several times quite easily. The older witch was about an inch taller than Luna, and quite a bit stronger due to all of the defense training she had been doing with Harry.

Hermione let go of her and the two witches turned toward the door. Before Hermione could knock on it, as was the plan she'd prearranged with Harry, Luna spoke.

"Zero, Zero, Zero, Destruct, Zero."

Hermione's jaw dropped and she turned to look at Luna in shock.

"How did you know that?" she asked, stunned.

"I heard you say it," Luna replied simply.

"When?"

"When I 'Saw' you."

"When did you see me?"

"When I was in the library last night after you left."

Hermione stood frozen for a moment as she tried to process everything.

"So you _heard_ me, when you _saw_ me, when you were still in the library?"

"Yes," Luna replied plainly. She then saw her future lover was still trying to understand this, so Luna just leaned forward and gave her another quick kiss again. "Let's go inside, Hermione."

Luna knew Hermione well enough by now that she watched as Hermione thought about everything for a second and then decided she no longer cared. Hermione smiled brightly again, took Luna's hand and opened the now unlocked door.

As the two witches walked into the Prefects' Bath, Luna's heart began to race as she knew that this was now truly real. The things she'd imagined and fantasized about, were actually real and were about to happen. She looked at the pool which was already full and covered in a thick pink foam that looked thick enough she might be able to walk on it.

Motion to the side caught her attention and she looked and saw Harry walking toward her, wearing a Gryffindor red bathrobe. She looked over to the side of the room and saw his clothes sitting on a bench and two more robes hanging up on a hook, one more red and one blue, along with a big pile of fluffy white towels. Her cheeks began to warm when she realized he must have been naked beneath his robe.

"Hello, Luna," Harry greeted her gently. "I'm going to assume the fact that Hermione brought you in means that she's told you about all of our concerns, and our hopes. So, all I'm going to say is, thank you for joining us." He then stepped forward and kissed her gently for a moment before stepping back.

Hermione then stepped forward, next to Harry, the two of them looking at her.

"May we undress you?" Hermione asked.

Luna's eyebrows rose in surprise, but definitely a welcome one, so she nodded.

The Head Boy and Girl stepped forward and began their first intimate act as a triad. Harry kneeled down to begin to untie her shoes while Hermione reached up to remove her butterbeer cork necklace.

"Close your eyes," Hermione whispered into her ear.

Luna did as she was asked and simply allowed herself to feel all of the varied sensations as she was slowly, lovingly undressed: her shoes being taken off, then her socks. As each piece of clothing was removed, there was a brief pause and she could hear Harry and Hermione moving around; as much as she wanted to see what they were doing, she could only assume they were trading places. Her blouse was unbuttoned and then pulled away, her trousers next. Although the bathroom was perfectly warm and comfortable, the absence of clothing pressing against her skin was far more noticeable than any temperature difference. She shivered slightly at the thought of how she must look right now.

By now she no longer knew who was removing what. She tried to imagine each possible scenario but they all felt equally plausible, and she liked the possibilities equally well either way. Someone removed her bra while the other person drew down her knickers.

Finally, the two stepped back and Luna just stood there, completely nude in front of them. She knew they must be looking at her so she just stood there and allowed them to look. Although she had no regrets about using her sight to see Harry earlier given the situation, she felt it only fair they should be able to see her too.

"Luna," Hermione said softly, to which the witch opened her eyes. She saw the two of them staring at her in wonderment. Luna never really considered herself attractive or unattractive, she just never really considered it at all. If there was no one who she wanted to look at her like that, then it didn't matter to her how she looked. But she knew they were definitely happy with what they saw.

"Can you please turn around? Harry would like to see your bum too." She then chewed on her lip for a moment in embarrassment. "We both would, actually."

Luna blushed but did as she was asked. This was far more exciting than she could have ever imagined. She'd heard boys gossiping about girls' bodies in ways totally inappropriate when no one paid any attention to her. And she'd heard girls do the same thing about boys. But now, to be here, and hear her two best friends talk about _her_ body, and look at her like that, it excited her so much.

When she turned back to them, they said nothing but their eyes told her exactly what she needed to know.

"Would you like Harry to take off his robe now?" Hermione asked. Luna didn't trust her voice at that moment so she only nodded vigorously. She felt her breasts jiggle slightly but she was too eager to be embarrassed.

Because he was wearing only a robe, it took only a second for him to disrobe and drop it to the floor.

"Oh. MY!" Luna said with a gasp.

He was lean and wiry, slightly shorter than average; this she already knew. But despite his thin frame, there were the faint outlines of defined muscle visible from his Quidditch workouts and the extra DA training as well.

But that was not what provoked her outburst. It was the large appendage that hung heavily from between Harry's legs. She held her breath when she realized it was moving!

When she used her sight to see Harry, she didn't remember seeing him "live." She remembered the actions of what she witnessed, but could never remember the images themselves. The only actual image she had in her mind was the unmoving black and white drawing she made.

But to see him now, actually SEE him, in the flesh, and in color too, it literally took her breath away. She watched in awe as his flesh grew… lengthened, thickened, and began to rise, all by itself without him even touching himself. She never would have imagined that the most fascinating thing about it was how he rose not in a smooth arc but in small leaps and bounds.

Academically she understood: with every beat of his heart, Harry grew in size and rise higher and higher. The pulsing, tied to his pulse, was almost hypnotic. When he reached the size that looked about the same to her most favorite drawing of him, he was approaching vertical and just about pointing at the ceiling. Apparently, this was what Hermione was waiting for too, for at this point, she cleared her throat to break Luna's thrall.

"Would you undress me, Luna?" Hermione asked. When she stood there and closed her eyes, Luna knew exactly what she was going to do. She turned to look at Harry but he shook his head no. Irresistibly, her eyes dropped down again for a moment, but her peek was blocked when Harry put his hands down to cover himself up. Well, as much as he _could_ cover.

With a smirk on his face, Harry shook his head again in playful admonishment, then nodded in Hermione's direction, who was still standing there waiting. Luna understood and moved forward toward the waiting witch. Remembering how they undressed her slowly, piece by piece, she did the same in return.

Luna paused for a moment to stare in wonder when Hermione was down to only her bra and knickers. Her entire life Luna had only ever worn ordinary undergarments. Even when she'd done the color-changing spell to see if Hermione would notice, they were still plain knickers. So, to see Hermione wearing fancy, lacy things that were not only partially see-thru but also were pattered with black stripes and even a little bowtie, well, it just changed her entire outlook on how she might choose to buy such things in the future.

Finally, Luna removed Hermione's bra and knickers, and as she did so she tried to avoid looking at her flesh in the process as much as possible. She wanted a grand first impression the same as she'd had with Harry. She turned around, took several steps away, then turned around again.

"Oh, my!" Luna repeated herself. She had seen her Ravenclaw dormmates naked many times over the past six years. She'd seen them but never looked. Never once had any of their unclothed bodies ever drawn any interest from her. Indeed, it wasn't even until last year when she started to fill in for Ron's absence that Luna ever considered she might look at _anyone_ like that, let alone another girl.

Until Harry. Until Hermione. And Hermione, her body was just as breathtaking as Harry's, but in her own unique way. Her legs were a tantalizing combination of both soft and firm. They were the result of someone who abhorred physical activity and instead enjoyed a sedentary lifestyle of reading and studying, but who still had to climb the equivalent of dozens of flights of stairs daily… and dodge potentially dangerous spells in weekly training exercises.

Luna thought for a moment. _The curves of her hips framed the neatly trimmed hair at the apex of her creamy thighs like a set of sensual parentheses._ She had to force herself to not giggle. Perhaps she should not try to be quite so hyperbolic in her appreciation of Hermione's form. Upon seeing how Hermione had groomed herself, she immediately knew she wanted to do the same.

Luna remembered seeing one of her Muggleborn dormmates come back to school last year and was suddenly completely bare down there. She told her friend it was the popular new style, but to Luna, it just seemed so _unnatural_. Her eyes quickly glanced back at Harry; he was neatly groomed as well. She wondered if they helped each other with that yesterday (or today), or if that was just something they'd already done on their own. She'd definitely ask them… later.

Luna drew her eyes back to Hermione who was still standing there. _Such a delicious looking tummy_, she thought. Of all of Hermine's parts, that was the one that was most unexpectedly exciting for her. Finally, Luna looked upon Hermione's now uncovered breasts and licked her lips without realizing it.

Slightly larger than her own… fuller, heavier but still able to resist the pull of gravity on their own, Luna felt they were just about perfect… in her admittedly biased opinion. Her own nipples on her paler skin were a pinkish color. Hermione's though were more caramel.

Another shudder passed through her as that color descriptor passed through her mind. She realized she was quickly approaching the point where she no longer wanted to look but instead wanted to touch, feel, and taste. That earlier warm feeling in her tummy was starting to migrate south as well.

Luna jumped slightly when she felt Harry come stand next to her. She kept her eyes locked firmly on Hermione as she imagined she could feel a large heat source radiating next to her own hips.

"Hermione," Harry said, "open your eyes." She did so and immediately groaned in pleasure upon seeing him and Luna standing in front of her completely nude.

"Turn around," he said in a nearly strangled sounding voice. Even though she couldn't tear her eyes away from Hermione, Luna definitely saw a sharp lurch of movement from Harry below in her peripheral vision. Well, at least she now knew how best to tease Harry if she ever wanted to. Hermione's bum was just as sexy as the rest of her, but Luna decided that her tummy was the unexpected treasure of the night. Hermione then turned the rest of the way around and faced them again.

Harry took Luna's hand and the two walked forward. Hermione reached out both hands and took Harry and Luna's other free hands, their linked arms now forming a triangle.

The triad then walked together to the edge of the pool and climbed the steps down until they were all the way in. Harry then led them over to the side where his wand was sitting on the edge. He then cast contraception spells on all three of them, the witch version for them and the wizard version for himself, just to be safe. Setting his wand back on the edge, he then led them back toward the middle of the pool.

Before anything could happen, a sudden moment of insecurity flooded Luna, so she blurted out, "I just need you to know. I've… That I've never…"

"Shhh…" Hermione said gently. "You don't _need_ to explain anything to us. Let's just be together." Luna smiled and nodded, relieved.

"Oh, and one thing before I forget," Harry added. "We did bring something special for you, for afterward." He then pointed back toward the bench where, magically, all three sets of their clothes now sat. Next to his, where she couldn't see it from the other angle earlier, sat a small blue box that Luna immediately recognized: _Drooble's Best Blowing Gum_.

Luna squealed in delight as she threw her arms around her two best friends and mashed their naked bodies together as her lunge dragged them under the water.

* * *

_**A/N: Would a Muggleborn really wear a piece of clothing at Hogwarts on the weekend that had something Muggle on it? Yeah, I think so. When was the last time you went to a school or to a mall and saw NO ONE wearing anything with any logos or brands on it? The only reason we never SAW it on screen or in the books was because of the dreaded L-word: LICENSING! LOL. But Dean had a poster of his favorite West Ham football team on his wall, so I think it's safe to say he might have a jersey or T-shirt he could wear on the weekends. So yeah, I think it's perfectly plausible that Hermione might have a Doctor Who shirt she might wear on occasion on the weekends, especially if it's just small words that few might ever see or read. ;-)**_


	9. One More Thing

_**A/N: Wow, final chapter. My first inclination was to call this an epilogue, but I just couldn't bring myself to call it that because there have been one too many epilogues in the HP series already, lol. So instead, to quote Steve Jobs, I give you, "One more thing..."**_

* * *

**LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE**

**(But Here's What Really Happened)**

**CHAPTER NINE**

**ONE MORE THING...**

Three hours later, Harry and Hermione breathed a sigh of relief when the Fat Lady's portrait was finally in sight. They had made it back to the common room, in one piece. Though they were both limping slightly.

Their activities this afternoon had been no more _vigorous_ than last night, however, they realized that with three people involved, they had tried new things that required new positions that they weren't quite expecting.

Now, Harry truly did have a strained muscle in his leg that wasn't a euphemism for something else. And Hermione's legs, back, and arms were sorer than the time Moody had taught them emergency tactical broom flying.

The new two-thirds of a trio walked arm in arm as they approached. Before they had left the bath, the three sat together on the steps of the bath and just held each other as best they could in that position. (The bath had not been designed with cuddling in mind.) They spent about twenty minutes discussing how they felt about everything that had happened and where they wanted things to go in the future.

The easy part was that they all agreed this felt right and that it was what all three of them wanted. The hard part was how exactly they wanted to proceed. Strictly for context, Luna explained how plural marriages worked in wizarding society but confessed she didn't know how plural courting or dating worked… or how it was regarded by said society.

_Marrying_ two women was completely acceptable under the appropriate conditions, but _dating_ two women, publicly, was a little more complicated. It was sometimes hard to tell the difference between plural courting and philandering.

Luckily, they knew that nothing had to be decided today. No one even knew that Harry and Hermione were officially dating yet. Should they announce themselves as a couple first, then add Luna later? Or wait and declare themselves as a trio?

Everyone agreed that to satisfy the fickle whims of wizarding society, they needed to do more research on the customs of plural marriages with special emphasis on what happened _before_ marriage or engagement. Hermione would check the library for books on the topic while Luna would ask her father to ask some of his more eccentric friends who might know about uncommon things. And Harry was nominated to ask the headmaster in his role as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot.

At first, Harry was loath to discuss his romantic interests with Professor Dumbledore. But then Hermione reminded him of the times that he had complained about the headmaster's occasional cryptic comments about the power of love and Harry's ability to love over the past many years, and how the wizened wizard refused to explain it any clearer than that. So, what better way to get some legal advice and also test the headmaster's belief in the power of love?

Even though Harry was sure this wasn't what the headmaster had intended it to mean. Then again, all the better reason to ask. Suddenly, Harry was a little more eager to discuss this after all!

In the short term, nothing needed to change between the three of them in public other than the occasional discreet game of footsie in the Great Hall. And of course, the occasional visit to the Prefects' Bath or Room of Requirement… if they could secure that. Hopefully, it wouldn't take them more than a few days or weeks to work out the proper protocols so they wouldn't have to hide their new relationship… at least without announcing an engagement.

Just short of the portrait hole, Harry felt a tug on his arm as Hermione stopped short.

"Oh no!"

With her free arm, she put her hand on her forehead in annoyance as though she'd just realized something unpleasant.

"What?" Harry asked, perplexed.

"I can't believe it. It's… it's…." she bemoaned, clearly indicating just how—_whatever it was_—was.

"What's the matter?" he asked, now slightly concerned.

"I can't believe… I… it… I'm never going to hear the end of it!"

Harry looked around to see if there was someone or something causing this. What could cause such an unhappy reaction in her? As the three of them were getting dressed (which took twice as long as it needed to), Hermione had told both of them how happy she now was, a feeling they both eagerly returned.

After sharing something so beautiful, what could possibly…?

Oh. _NO!_

"Hermione, please tell me you weren't mistaken about those contraception spells being good for eight hours, and not just one… erm, attempt. I know Luna said I'm supposed to have two kids with each of you after we're married… and the thought of it does really excite me… but I was kind of thinking more like a few years from now."

Hermione's attention was quickly recaptured at the sound of something that almost, sort of, sounded like a proposal. She understood the context and what he did and didn't mean right at that particular moment however, so she let it pass unmentioned for now.

"What? Oh, no. No, Harry, we're fine. Eight hours," she assured him. Her look of consternation quickly reappeared though. Harry brought his hands up and cupped the sides of her face. He leaned forward and gave her a little peck on the lips.

"What is it then? What's got you so upset?"

"Luna," she replied, sounding rather resigned.

"Luna? What about her? I thought we sorted that all out?"

"She drew you, Harry. She drew your… your…" Hermione seemed unable to say the last word. Why? Considering the things _both_ of them had done with said body part, he found it quite amusing how at this very moment she seemed unable to say it outright.

But for the sake of his Trouser Snake, he felt it best not to point that out. So, he just broke the ice for her.

"My penis?" he offered, his voice deadpan.

"Your _Trouser Snake_," Hermione countered, a bit annoyed. "She _saw_ it, Harry. She drew it."

"So? You know her. You said she agreed not to show anyone the drawings. 'Sides, I reckon I 'gave her quite the thrill' today when she saw it for real!" Harry teased smugly. Only because Hermione had said those exact same words yesterday when she told him about Luna's outlandish Trouser Snake story, was he willing to say them too.

Hermione rolled her eyes and swatted his arm playfully.

"No, no, Harry," Hermione replied, then suddenly corrected herself. "I mean, yes, _yes _to THAT, you definitely gave her quite the thrill. So did I," she added with a blush. "What I mean is, don't you see? She 'Saw' you, and then drew you."

"Yeah, I get that. You've said it three times already."

"No, she SAW you, in her 'vision.' She was right, Harry! Her drawing was absolutely and completely accurate, in every single, magnificent detail. Her drawing was _perfect!_"

Harry started to shake his head a little, still lost. His mouth was partially open, his unknown question unasked.

"Don't you realize what this means, Harry? Snorkacks are REAL!"

* * *

_**FINAL A/N:**__ Well, I genuinely hope you enjoyed this. It literally took me twelve years to write this. Granted I was on hiatus for ten of those years, but at least finally, it is done. And to my immense pleasure and relief, it is MUCH better than I ever imagined possible back in 2008, especially when I ran into writer's block on everything regarding how to bring Luna. Once things fell into place, everything seems so simple and obvious now. But then again it always looks easier AFTER it's done. LOL! If you've enjoyed this, please leave a review to let me know._

_For anyone who remembers the one last story of mine that is not on here, __**Their Way**__, well, I am hoping I can return to that and finally finish it. Leaving it unfinished when I stepped away from writing back in 2010 left an open wound on my writer's soul. As I said when I first came back to __**The Stowaway**__ a few months ago, time has healed some old wounds. I hope to be able to finally come back to it soon. If you are interested in that story, please favorite or follow me as an author so you will get a notification if I post a "new" story here. If it does happen, it probably won't be for a while though. Although I have no intention to re-write the story from scratch, if I do come back to it, I'll most definitely go through each chapter one by one again just to reacquaint myself with all of the details of the full story, and as well as doing some minor edits and grammar polishing, etc. The update pacing on that story will be much slower there because I'll be editing and then posting one chapter at a time, whereas with these previous 3 stories, I edited/re-wrote the entire stories first before posting since they were so small._

_**BONUS: As a geek, I find it entertaining to make PDFs of my stories in a style that resembles the official US Harry Potter books. If you're interested to see these PDFs, or if you'd like to download any of my stories for permanent archive or for easy reading on mobile devices, please see my author's profile page where I list their file locations. I can't post direct links inside the story itself. These PDFs are EXACTLY the same as the stories published here, except in a prettier format.**_


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